3:35 PM - MON 4.22.24
-

Do you ever feel like you take things that aren't that big a deal harder than you should?

It happens to me a lot, because I'm all "sensitive" and shit.

But I'll explain, by way of example...

Yesterday I called the Rite-Aid where I fill most of my prescriptions, intending to refill my "happy pills".

That's when I found out my Rite-Aid is no more - The store, next to the Ralphs where I shop, is closing (I'd read that Rite-Aid was having tough times, but somehow didn't think it would affect me).

It's not a big deal, really - all their prescription records have been transferred to the Rite-Aid in the Vons across the street, so at worst, it's a minor inconvenience (They're a little farther away and the hours aren't as good) - but I'm finding the whole thing...disconcerting.

I'm mildly "put out" that there was no notification - If you can transfer all the records to a nearby store, you should be able to shoot out a text or email or something saying, "Hey, this is a thing that's happening" - but what's really going on is I'm blowing this up as an example of how, in life, 'the rug can be pulled out from under you" in an instant, in any number of ways.

And this little reminder of how one's circumstances can change very quickly, with very little pomp and circumstance, makes me nervous.

Because I'm constantly worrying about my "footing" these days.

But alongside this mild "bad news" comes some mild "good news"...

Some time back, my friend Josh drew my attention to a program here in LA providing five free meals a week to residents over sixty.

Like when GenSpace was suggested to me, I was initially resistant to "taking advantage" of this age-related resource/benefit.

So by the time my view on the matter softened - I could certainly be helped, financially and physically, by getting five free, "healthy" meals a week - they were full-up, and I got put on a waiting list.

But today I got a call - that I let go to voicemail because I didn't recognize the caller - that my number has come up (I don't want to give too much thought to why that's the case), and I'm going to be getting my first five meals on Wednesday.

So that'll be fun - I'm curious about what these meals will be like - and hopefully be helpful as well (One of the things I was feeling "guilty" about when considering the program was that I didn't really "need" it. But I made $19,000 in 2023, so if someone wants to give me some free food, I should probably take it).

(I'm enjoying it - what's not to like about James Spader playing a super-criminal helping the FBI? - but with ten seasons, at 22 episodes each, it's been a major "commitment". Moving forward, I think I'm going to stick with more manageable streaming shows.)

A plot point on the show is that our female lead - a young FBI profiler - was put into foster care at an early age, and knows pretty much nothing about her past when the show starts.

As you might imagine, as a foster care "survivor" myself, this plot point has "resonated" with me (Though, once again, Spader is what makes the show most worth watching).

After initially telling the truth - about the man she was married to, Griggs Hoffmaster, not being my father - my mother then lied when I met her, and said that he actually was my father (A point that's addressed somewhat humorously in Acting Like Nothing Is Wrong).

So I went from not knowing who my father was, to thinking I knew who my father was, to once again, not knowing who my father was (Thanks Mom!).

And for the past number of years, it's increasingly bothered me that the name "Hoffmaster" means nothing in the grand scheme of things - For all I know, I could be "Smith" or "Jones" or "Borkowski".

"Hoffmaster" doesn't "connect" to anything.

But following "Elizabeth's" story on The Blacklist and her drive to know her past, it strikes me that, knowing whatever there is to know about my father and that side of my family, in all likelihood, wouldn't change a thing about who I am in the here and now.

The fantasy is that I would somehow regain something that was lost.

But nothing's going to return to me what was lost - That's just gone.

And whether it "connects" to anything or not, I've walked around being "Jim Hoffmaster" for quite some time now, so I might as well finish my run with that name.

(But now, back to James Spader, expertly playing "The Smartest Guy In The Room".)

Till next time...

previous - next