12:42 pm - Wed 7/31/02
What I'm Up Against

These days, I'm seeing "lessons" in all kinds of different things. Every little experience I have seems to represent, in microcosm, a larger "life issue" (Ex. The rice cooker, representing something I was resistant to doing, resistance that once gotten over, made life just a little more enjoyable).

(The bike has also provided a few "lessons" of its own; Initially, I was afraid to brave the rough streets of LA on a bicycle, but it's ended up being one of the handful of things I enjoy on a consistent basis out here. Another "lesson" I've gotten with the bike, with the surprisingly frequent repairs and my chronic uncertainty about whether the bikeshop I go to is dealing with me honestly, is that nothing, no matter how seemingly innocuous, or even pleasant, comes without a price of some sort. And if that weren't lesson enough to get from one bicycle, still another lesson has come from being in better shape as a result of all the exercise; It's been disappointing to realize that what being "in better shape" means, at least in my world, is not that anything feels any easier, but simply that you can go on longer after your mind tells you to stop doing what you're doing.)

Today, I called Cenex, the casting agency--which was on my little "to do" list, so bully for me--and was excited to hear a listing for Crossing Jordan (A show on NBC starring Jill Henessey). It was a night shoot, in downtown LA, that would go for two days, Thursday and Friday (My days off).

It sounded perfect--two days of work, in an area I could walk to if I wanted, and on my days off to boot (So no disruption with work)--and I excitedly dialed the contact number.

And dialed. And dialed. And dialed. And dialed. And dialed.

I started sometime between 10:15 and 10:30.

Finally, the number starting ringing through at ten to noon.

And rang. And rang. And rang.

Eventually I got a busy signal, the phone company's way of saying "Give it up, Dude. Ain't nobody home...".

The same thing happened the next four times I called, so I took that to mean they had all the people they needed, thank me very much, and since I'm not a real person, after all, no one

needs to actually pick up the phone and talk to me, to tell me I can quit trying for this one.

(Sense I'm a little frustrated over how things went...?)

So what's the lesson here, you ask?

Well, spending two hours on the phone, only to fail to get a two-day, minimum-wage job, impressed on me just how "uphill" my "uphill climb" is going to be out here (I don't know that I strictly needed that lesson right now, but who knows?).

I also realized I'm going to need to develop a lot more patience; If at some point during this ordeal, an actual human had answered the phone, it would have taken all I had not to say, "About @#$! time, you @#$%!!". I can't afford to communicate that I'm taking anything personally...even if I actually take pretty much everything personally.

And I'll have to find a way to feel good about failed efforts like this, instead of just feeling the "failure" part (I didn't really "fail", after all. I did everything I could do to make something happen, and it just...didn't. Not my fault). Even when I marshall my will to make a major effort, I'm going to not get it the vast majority of the time. And if I can't learn to handle that emotionally, I'm probably in the wrong bidness.

But speaking of "bidness", it's time for me to go (The new Backstage should be at work, so wish me luck on an enjoyable, lucrative opportunity from that)...

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