8:52 am - Saturday, Sept. 15, 2001
everythings good, so why do I feel bad?
( Offline Entry )

Friday 9/14/01

Don't really have much time to do this, but I'm not going to have any time between now and tomorrow evening, so here goes...

I guess like a lot of people, I'm feeling a sense of guilt over having my own life calling to me again. But it is. "Life goes on, having no where else to go..."

I don't have time to fully recount everything that's gone on for me in the past couple days, but it's felt like something of a whirlwind ( In short, over the past couple days, the old bike has died, but I'm getting another, actually nicer bike from Richard, one of my coworkers. I also auditioned for and was cast in a low-budget music video, and it looks like I'm going to be working at a new position at Borders, for guaranteed hours and a 50 cents-an-hour bump in pay).

When I think about all this, when I read over it--and I've e-mailed a few people about all this stuff, in addition to talking with Cary on the phone last night--It reads as pretty darned positive stuff.

But after the audition, when they basically cast me on the spot, and I went back to work ( I'd auditioned on my lunch hour ), I was so anxious and afraid all afternoon that I was nauseous. I was at one point afraid I was going to vomit, or have a heart attack, or both.

I'm not as big on change as I'd like to be, and all this stuff happened over the course of the past three days. But again, these are GOOD developments, and I will meet any challenge they have to offer ( Regarding the video, I'm concerned about getting there, like I always am when I have to navigate to some strange place, but I'm also concerned about my physical ability to give them what they want--I'm supposed to be "rocking out" to some song--over the course of hours. But what can you do? I'll get on Mapquest for directions, and I'm sure that'll be fine, and as for my "rocking out" stamina, I'll give them what I've got, and they'll just have to do what they can with it ).

But I've got to get to work ( I'm working from 4 to close tonite, and wondering why the hell I agreed to work a day shift tomorrow, instead of another evening shift like I was scheduled. Oh well...)

previous - next