11:46 am - Mon 9.07.2009
It's Labor Day.
In honor of the holiday, I'm "laboring" to get some laundry done, to re-write my stand-up material before tonight's class (Yes, we are meeting on the holiday), and of course, to do this.
It's been a week since my last entry.
I feel "derelict in my duty" - In part, derelict in my duty to you, Gentle Reader (After all, how can I keep you as a reader if I give you nothing to read?), but even more to the point, derelict in my duty to myself.
Feeling my usual "Holiday Blues" today - I don't have family, and I don't work on Mondays anyway, so all today is to me is a day there will be no auditions, no calls about auditions, and no checks in the mail (Actually, if this were a "work day" - If I had a regular WW meeting today - it'd actually be worse, cause I don't get paid holidays, so I'd just be out the money).
No news on the acting front; I'm hoping for a callback for AT&T - I went in for it on Thursday, while Mark and Jane were here visiting (More on them in a moment) - but beyond that...?
Well, I still have a strand of hope left for Priest, the "post-apocalyptic vampire movie" I went in for some time back...but realistically, it's back to waiting for a new round of auditions.
I've been thinking about auditions and booking gigs and all that lately...
When I have a number of auditions, or when I book a gig (Or, as I did recently, a couple of gigs), I often feel bad for immediately wanting more auditions and more bookings, as if wanting more auditions and more bookings was proof of my boundless gluttony.
And it is - I'm an actor, after all, and the need for constant validation is part of my basic wiring.
But beyond that - beyond the "hole in my soul" that never gets filled - I am on a quest (Seems appropriate for a former "Don Quixote"); I came out here to make my living as an actor.
So, while booking a gig here and a gig there is, undoubtedly, exciting and encouraging...it ain't me "making my living as an actor". So I want more...because I'm not where I want to be.
And in practical terms...I need the money.
My "day job" hasn't completely paid the bills in years - my rent alone has gone up $200 a month since I first moved here - so I need acting jobs to "keep the wolves from the door".
To me, "How do I look for acting work and make enough money to live?" is the toughest nut to crack out here - Get a "real job" that pays enough to live on and they won't want you jetting away on auditions every other day; get some low-paying crap job, and you'll be constantly worrying about how you're going to pay your bills every month; get a couple low-paying crap jobs so you're able to pay your bills each month, and you don't have the time and energy to do what you came out here to do in the first place, which is "be an actor".
(I've opted for #2 - "Get one crap job, then worry constantly about how you'll pay the bills each month" - in the hope that it'll somehow lead me to option #4, which is "Become so successful as an actor that you no longer have to worry about this shit!")
I don't really have a "personal life", per se, so there's usually nothing to report on that front, but this past week, I had Mark and Jane visiting from out-of-town, which was great fun (They got in Wednesday evening, and left again Saturday morning).
It was only the fourth time we've seen each other in the past eight years (They've been out here once before, and I've been back to Michigan twice), but I agree with what Jane said at one point, which was basically that "This doesn't feel like a big deal, our being here with you. It just feels 'normal'".
And that feeling of "normalcy", in a way, made it harder when they left on Saturday - It wasn't like, "Okay, that was a fun special event, but now it's over"; it was more like, "Things felt right for a couple days...now it's over".
On Thursday, I had the AT&T audition in Santa Monica, so since we were already in the neighborhood, we went to the beach (Where Jane waded in the ocean a bit, while Mark and I opted to remain dry).
I'd been torn about whether to work my WW meetings while they were here, or try to get "fills" - It's not like seeing Mark and Jane is an everyday occurrence, after all - and ended up "splitting the difference"; I had an audition on Wednesday, which meant I couldn't work that meeting anyway, got a fill for Thursday night, then worked my Friday and Saturday morning meetings.
And I was really glad we had the one full day on Thursday; after the beach that afternoon, in the evening we ate at the House of Pies in Los Feliz, then saw Julie and Julia (Which we all really enjoyed).
It was a pretty great day.
The big event on Friday was driving to Cary and Kay's place for dinner.
This was another thing I'd "waffled" on - fearing the drive would be too daunting in holiday traffic, I was ready to nix it, but Jane really wanted to see them - and I'm really glad we did it; Kay made a lovely meal, the conversation flowed freely, and I feel very comfortable saying "A good time was had by all" (And Jane was very taken with their son Donovan, who bears more than a passing resemblance to her son Teddy at that age - Teddy, who is now a giant with kids of his own).
On Saturday, we got together at the Dennys near my apartment (And their hotel) for a "Last Breakfast".
Then it was time for the next leg of their "US Tour" - to Las Vegas - and for me to go to my WW meeting.
So, long story short, I was happy they were here, and I'm sad they're gone. But life must go on...
And I've eaten up a good chunk of the afternoon, between this and the laundry, so I need to jump on my comedy stuff before class...
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