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11:40 PM - 09.13.15
To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

To Sleep, Perchance To Dream

Well, I took the day off from "waiting for the phone to ring" - since it's Sunday and all - but come tomorrow, I'll be back at it, starting at around 10:00 am, and ending around 3:00 or 4:00, unless I get word sooner (Since the spot's shooting out of New York, I assume the decision-making is coming out of New York as well, so I'm allowing for the time difference).

Was hoping, since the "avail" on Friday happened so fast, that I'd be confirmed for the spot later that day (Not to mention that, initially, it was possible I'd be flying to NYC as early as Tuesday).

So when that didn't happen, I felt a little deflated (Okay, a lot deflated)...but then when they narrowed the dates to Thursday-Saturday (fly in, shoot, fly back), it didn't seem unreasonable to imagine them calling on Monday.

But if I don't get a call tomorrow, that's gonna feel pretty definitive - I'm not their guy.

Having to tell myself, "This isn't life-or-death...", this New York Lottery commercial - I'm doing okay at the moment, financially (Though, of course, more money is always welcome), and while "you never know", I can't imagine this does anything one-way-or-the-other for my career.

In short, this isn't something that "needs to happen", if there's ever such a thing. I just want it because I want to "win a prize" - and there's nothing wrong with that (I haven't been to NYC since the 80s), it just means booking the job would be nice, but not booking it isn't the-end-of-the-world.

So, between not stressing about what might or might not happen with the commercial, and not feeling like every second of down-time is something to feel guilty and stressed about (Because I've currently got Shameless and dribs-and-drabs of commercial money happening to supplement my day job), I've had a very nice day, just hanging around the house, not really doing much (Though I did do a couple loads of laundry at one point, and a few little minor chores).

I read (first Poking A Dead Frog, a collection of interviews with comedy writers, then went on a tear, reading 19 issues of a digital comic-book series called Injustice: Gods Among Us...which reminded me that, while I still like comic books, they clearly don't offer much bang for one's entertainment buck - at 99-cents a pop, in this case, I spent almost $19 for maybe a couple hours entertainment. And for that amount of money, I could have gone to three matinees in Los Feliz, or bought a couple digital books that would've occupied my spare time for weeks. But what can I say? I had fun).

In the afternoon, I watched a Demetri Martin stand-up special, and in the evening, Masters of Sex (Which, sadly, has completely lost its way this season) and a new comedy starring Patrick Stewart called Blunt Talk, which I think is great fun.

Typically, I'd be watching those TV shows on my computer, because I don't have cable (And even when I did, I never had Showtime or Starz). But I recently indulged myself and bought a Google Chrome-cast - which was on sale at Target for $25 - and can now beam them from the illicit website where I watch things I'm not supposed to be able to watch, to my TV.

It's pretty cool.

And I filled in the rest of the day with Facebook, porn, a game or two of Scrabble, and messing around a bit on my keyboard (Years ago, when I worked at ArcLight, a co-worker gave me her old keyboard when she traded up - I still can't really "play", but it's definitely improved the quality of my "screwing around". Someday, I'd like to "trade up" myself, for a full-size keyboard. But for now, I've got all the keyboard I need).


Mon 9/14/15 (9:48 am)

I have to start getting cleaned up shortly, but wanted to at least get a start on this for the day.

The reason I have to "clean myself up" is I'm picking up my new CPAP at 11:30; The place is in Pasadena, somewhere I rarely go (Don't get a lot of auditions in Pasadena), so I want to give myself time to get lost, since that seems to be something I'm "into" now, having done it twice this past week.

As I said on Facebook, "excited" is not quite the right word for how I'm feeling about this (After you take the anxiety of getting to the place out-of-the-picture) - maybe "cautiously optimistic"?

Like I've said before, I've tried this and not been successful. But as I get older and tireder by the minute, I'm more motivated than I was back then. I've not been very good at "working through my frustration" when it comes to managing a new thing in my life...but this is "a new thing" that I'm initiating, that could profoundly benefit me, so I'm prepared to deal with whatever there is to deal with, and "see it through".


1:45 pm

Back from Pasadena (Got there without incident, Mapquest directions clutched tightyl in hand).

Filled out a little paperwork, then had a technician walk me through the ins-and-outs of the machine (Which, in its basic outlines, is what I had "way back when", just a little smaller and more "computerized" - It now has a microchip which can send info to my insurance company and/or the CPAP people (SleepMed), I can see my "stats" for the night, and there's some more control over air flow and humidity and the like - even a control for the temperature of the humidifier).

The guy made it sound pretty idiot-proof, but there's a part of me that was thinking, "Well, you've never met this idiot!".

After that, I talked to one of their insurance experts, and was told I'd met the deductible already, so my out-of-pocket was going to be pretty minimal, which was lovely news (The potential expense of starting back up with this was one of the things keeping me from doing it, and now it looks like, worst case scenario, I might be out a couple hundred bucks, when it's all said-and-done. And "a couple hundred bucks" seems well worth the potential benefit).

So it's off to the store to get supplemental supplies - like distilled water (for the humidifier) and vinegar (for cleaning the tubing) - in addition to some foodstuffs.

And then it'll be back to figure out how I need to set things up - first off, it looks like the foot of the bed needs to become the head (Otherwise, I don't have an outlet close enough to plug in the machine. And I just looked for a battery on Amazon - cause that's really what I'd prefer - but it's crazy-expensive, so that won't be happening anytime soon).


7:16 pm

Art has a place in making people feel less alone.

-Lena Dunham-

I liked that quote a lot (from an interview with Judd Apatow) - I imagine art has other purposes as well, but "making me feel less alone" has always been something I've gotten from art (which was important, since I could never get it in life).

And it goes back to what Wendy F., who was the inspiration for me going online with my journal, said about her online journal - "I feel less alone when I write it. And I think people feel less alone when they read it".

Not to suggest I'm creating "art" here.

I don't think I am.

Cause I'm still not being honest enough.


I actually got word on the New York Lottery commercial earlier today, as I was going home from the CPAP store.

I didn't get it.

They opted to go with a New York actor (Which, to be honest, crossed my mind the day I auditioned - "Why wouldn't they go with a New York actor for this, and save the plane fare, hotel, etc?").

I'm a little bummed, of course, but I think my little "I want this, but I don't need this" mantra actually worked (If so, I'm very surprised, because it has sure as shit never worked before).

Of course, it may be possible that this leads to a crushing depression the likes of which I've never experienced. But so far, so...well, not "good", clearly. But at least not that bad.

Life goes on...


11:51 pm

About to go to bed.

Cpap is set up - All I have to do at this point, I think, it just put my headgear on, hit a button, and go to...sleep.

Wish me luck!


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