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10:04 PM - 03.30.18
Jim Hoffmaster Superstar
Wrote a note to myself yesterday regarding this journal - "Write something real". I left it on my laptop as I went to work.

A little vague, I grant you, but clearly, there's something I want to accomplish in here that I think is not happening.

(Beyond the issue of how "real" or "unreal" I'm being in here, the note was supposed to spur me to write after I got home from work last night...but, sadly, writing didn't happen.)

On a related note - Earlier in the week, I recall thinking about acting, in particular how, since I wasn't doing it, and will almost certainly never get to do it as much as I want, I should "lean into" writing as a creative/expressive outlet I have just about complete control over (As opposed to acting, where I have little or no control).

And since a number of people have told me I'm "a good writer", I've found myself wondering if/how I could monetize my writing (Have also been wondering about Patreon and YouTube, and if there's any way I could figure out how to make extra money by doing something I love, rather than something I don't give a shit about).


My regular coworkers aren't working tomorrow, and attendance is expected to be minimal, so they didn't get a 2nd receptionist.

That means that it'll be me and a fill-in Leader I don't know.

I'm expecting the day will suck - Either it'll be busier than expected and I'll be stressed to be essentially on my own, or it'll just be slow and boring and lonesome and the time will drag - but come mid-afternoon, I'll have the next two-and-a-half days off.

Which could be its own problem if I let it - I'm thinking, since I'm not working Sunday, that I could do something Saturday night and/or Sunday morning.

But will I?

Mon 4/2/18 (9:50 am)

Well, if you were wondering, my workday on Saturday went in the "It was busier than expected, and I was stressed to essentially be on my own" direction (Though I had met Diana, the Leader sub before, and she was very nice).

And I didn't take too much advantage of the extra day off - I didn't go have breakfast or hike Runyon Canyon or anything like that - but I did see Ready Player One in the early afternoon, which I couldn't have done otherwise (The first show of the day was the only cheap matinee. And if you're wondering, in my opinion, the movie was good-but-not-great. "Second-Tier Spielberg", as I put it on Facebook).

Thought, with the extra time on my hands, that I might get high.

But I didn't - It seems the impulse to get high has faded over time, which is sort of a relief (I'd worried a little, in buying my first vaping pen, that I'd just end up stoned all the time. But it seems, at present, like the novelty's worn off - I can do it if I want to, but I mostly don't want to).

Watched Jesus Christ Superstar last night...

I might have enjoyed it more if I hadn't just listened to the original soundtrack, and had that fresh in my mind...but it was all right (Though I eventually lost interest and bailed after "Herod's Song").

The show is a nostalgia trip for me - I did a community theater production of it back in the 80s (I played Annas), and prior to that, was a fan of the soundtrack, had seen it on stage (I think at Cobo Hall in Flint, a venue I don't believe exists anymore), and had seen the movie - so I'll probably always be up for checking out a new production of it when possible.

I'm not sure exactly when I first heard it as a whole (I think the first music I heard from it was a 45 of "Heaven On Their Minds"/"Everything's All Right" when I was with the Pupos), but I remember that even when I saw it in Flint, I wasn't sold on what I believed was its portrayal of Judas as the poor victim-of-circumstance and Jesus as a "whiner".

Though I wasn't a "Christian" at that point - and I'm uncertain I ever was, though I definitely tried to be for awhile - I'd been indoctrinated enough to be somewhat "offended" by the show's take on the story.

Now I just enjoy the melodrama (My main beef with last night's production was that it didn't hit the "operatic" heights I was hoping for emotionally), while being lightly amused by my original "offended-ness".

But that "offended-ness" also intrigues me, as it demonstrates "who I used to be" versus "who I am now" (Clearly the story meant something to me back-in-the-day in order for me to be "offended" by what I saw as "an alternate take". While now I feel like there's every possibility the story never happened at all - There may have been an actual "Jesus" who was crucified back-in-the-day, but there may not have been. Though I'm with Matt Dillahunty in terms of its lack of importance - Whether there was a historical "Jesus" or not, it still doesn't say anything about whether he performed miracles or any of that stuff).

Well, if I'd started with the "Superstar" stuff, I'd keep writing - seems a good jumping-off point to an entry about my relationship with Christianity over the years - but that would make this entry too long, and I have other things I want and need to get done today, time, perhaps?

Stay tuned...!


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