6:58 PM - 09.23.19
So far, nothing's gone as I'd hoped, on either front.
My acting work, minimal as it was, was sub-par (stumbled and bumbled on a number of takes...but happily, did okay when the camera was actually on me). I don't think it's going to be a big scandal or anything, but I was embarrassed - when you've got so little to do on a show, it behooves you to not fuck it up.
The thing I was most excited about today - and this might have been the problem with my acting, come to think of it - was getting the chance to use my Chromebook to do this.
And I've basically spent the entire day till just now (whenever I wasn't shooting) trying to connect to the fucking Internet - It's way too boring to get into, so let's just say I frequently struggle with technology and leave it at that.
Was happy this weekend that the return to my WW day job was...not unpleasant. The main thing that's bedeviled me - the new "MEG" system - was not hanging me up, and I enjoyed the company of my coworkers, all of whom I like a great deal.
Still wish I could leave though.
What else is going on?
(I don't want to get too in-depth here, because I think I already have an entry "in the hopper" at home. Besides, I'm fearful that this connection may be tenuous at best, so I don't want any pearls of wit and wisdom to be lost in the ether. Also, I don't know how long I have and when I may be called away - I still have at least one more scene to shoot, where I have a whole line, and in light of my earlier performance, I'd prefer not to fuck it up.)
I actually broke the Chromebook out on Friday, after I went to see Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood at the New Beverly; I stopped at a larger and fancier Starbucks than normal on LaBrea, having a tall nonfat latte and a breakfest sandwich as I chatted with Jane R. and sent a message to Allison B. (The latter person being someone who I will need to write more about at a later time).
And it was great fun; it might sound weird to say, considering I'm talking about a group of people who were all on their laptops, not relating to each other, but being there with my Chromebook, doing my little chatting/messaging thing, as other people were on their devices doing whatever they were doing, made me feel more "a part of the world" than
It made me feel "normal" - I was just a guy in a Starbucks on his laptop, like everyone else (A bit surprised I still have such a strong drive to feel "normal"...but here we are).
I initially felt some "buyer's remorse" over purchasing this Chromebook, but I enjoyed the thing at Starbucks, and right now, I'm enjoying this (The frustrations of getting on the Internet earlier notwithstanding). So I'm gonna call it money well-spent.
(The device cost me $99 - refurbished - and I bought a one-year warranty, so with that and shipping, I think it was $135 or thereabouts.)
I'm thinking a lot about money these days - The fact that (for now) I have it, the fear that someday in the not-that-distant future I may not, and what exactly money is for.
I was paid a lot of money for this episode, and considering what I do on the show, I get paid pretty well for Shameless in general.
So when the show is in production, I can just feel my urge to spend money increase. Because when the show isn't in production, I become very aware of every dollar I spend frivolously (And eventually every dollar I spend period). And it kinda sucks to never go anywhere or do anything or buy anything you'd like.
So when there's money, I know I should be the same guy who doesn't go anywhere or do anything, who doesn't buy a lot of shit on Amazon that he doesn't need...but I kind of..."lose track of" that guy.
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