6:58 PM - 09.23.19
-

So far, nothing's gone as I'd hoped, on either front.

My acting work, minimal as it was, was sub-par (stumbled and bumbled on a number of takes...but happily, did okay when the camera was actually on me). I don't think it's going to be a big scandal or anything, but I was embarrassed - when you've got so little to do on a show, it behooves you to not fuck it up.

The thing I was most excited about today - and this might have been the problem with my acting, come to think of it - was getting the chance to use my Chromebook to do this.

And I've basically spent the entire day till just now (whenever I wasn't shooting) trying to connect to the fucking Internet - It's way too boring to get into, so let's just say I frequently struggle with technology and leave it at that.

Was happy this weekend that the return to my WW day job was...not unpleasant. The main thing that's bedeviled me - the new "MEG" system - was not hanging me up, and I enjoyed the company of my coworkers, all of whom I like a great deal.

Still wish I could leave though.

What else is going on?

(I don't want to get too in-depth here, because I think I already have an entry "in the hopper" at home. Besides, I'm fearful that this connection may be tenuous at best, so I don't want any pearls of wit and wisdom to be lost in the ether. Also, I don't know how long I have and when I may be called away - I still have at least one more scene to shoot, where I have a whole line, and in light of my earlier performance, I'd prefer not to fuck it up.)

I actually broke the Chromebook out on Friday, after I went to see Once Upon A Time...In Hollywood at the New Beverly; I stopped at a larger and fancier Starbucks than normal on LaBrea, having a tall nonfat latte and a breakfest sandwich as I chatted with Jane R. and sent a message to Allison B. (The latter person being someone who I will need to write more about at a later time).

And it was great fun; it might sound weird to say, considering I'm talking about a group of people who were all on their laptops, not relating to each other, but being there with my Chromebook, doing my little chatting/messaging thing, as other people were on their devices doing whatever they were doing, made me feel more "a part of the world" than
I've felt in awhile.

It made me feel "normal" - I was just a guy in a Starbucks on his laptop, like everyone else (A bit surprised I still have such a strong drive to feel "normal"...but here we are).

I initially felt some "buyer's remorse" over purchasing this Chromebook, but I enjoyed the thing at Starbucks, and right now, I'm enjoying this (The frustrations of getting on the Internet earlier notwithstanding). So I'm gonna call it money well-spent.

(The device cost me $99 - refurbished - and I bought a one-year warranty, so with that and shipping, I think it was $135 or thereabouts.)

I'm thinking a lot about money these days - The fact that (for now) I have it, the fear that someday in the not-that-distant future I may not, and what exactly money is for.

I was paid a lot of money for this episode, and considering what I do on the show, I get paid pretty well for Shameless in general.

So when the show is in production, I can just feel my urge to spend money increase. Because when the show isn't in production, I become very aware of every dollar I spend frivolously (And eventually every dollar I spend period). And it kinda sucks to never go anywhere or do anything or buy anything you'd like.

So when there's money, I know I should be the same guy who doesn't go anywhere or do anything, who doesn't buy a lot of shit on Amazon that he doesn't need...but I kind of..."lose track of" that guy.

previous - next