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8:37 PM - Mon Jan 1st 2020

2019: My Year In Review (Pt II)

Well, I enjoyed writing the first part of this two-part entry (Even though I felt myself pooping out near the end) - It was nice to have my successes laid out in front of me and be reminded that I took some positive steps to "better my situation", financially and otherwise, in 2019.

But nothing I wrote about in "Part I" has had the impact of me saying yes to being the subject of a documentary by Jane R.

Neither of us remembers the specifics of how that happened (She remembers when the idea first came to her, but neither of us remembers her asking me about it or my agreeing to it).

But I was thinking about it today - I imagine we don't remember it because it was a pretty quiet, undramatic affair. I don't think she posed it as a huge "thing" and I didn't respond to it as such (Though really, it was totally "a huge thing" - a major financial investment on her part, and a big leap into the unknown for me).

The two things I keep coming back to, when I think about the documentary and everything that's happened this year, is how impressed I am that Jane has creative ideas that she actually acts upon, and how glad I am that I acted against my default impulse to say "No" to things.

Without both those things happening, none of this happens, and my year is much less interesting and enjoyable (And, dare I say, much less meaningful?).

And it's possible, when all's said and done, that this won't just have changed the trajectory of 2019 but will now alter the trajetory of my life moving forward - There are no guarantees...but it's not impossible.

But even if nothing happens - beyond it playing some film festivals and Jane getting a boatload of awards - this will have totally been worth doing for the experience.

Because how many people get documentaries made about their lives?

But beyond that, this has been worth doing, regardless of the outcome, because 1) The doing itself has been great fun, and, 2) Jane and I are now good friends.

People seem to be speculating quite a bit on the nature of our "relationship" now. And I "get it" - We have clearly become very close - but I find myself wanting to say, "We don't even know what's going on here, so what makes you think you have some special insight into the situation?".

I just know that's it's been fun, it's (mostly) been quite easy - I still marvel at how little friction there's been between us, and in some situations where "friction" would have been quite possible - and I'm struggling to "stay in the moment", and not worry about what happens when the shooting is over, and the film has run its course, and we move on to other things (I feel confident we'll continue to be friends, but clearly things will change).

If I'm going to be honest here, I do have...concerns. This story, my story, is a tough story to tell, and I worry sometimes.

But my "default" in this instance is to say "My job here isn't to tell the story. All I have to do is be as honest as I can be and give Jane and David (The Editor) my best".

And even if the story Jane ends up telling isn't exactly the story I would tell, or isn't the story as I see it, I know Jane now - The finished project will have heart, and humor, and artistry.

And it will be true. Because it will be "my story" through her eyes.

It'll be something worth seeing, and something worth doing, something we can be proud of.

And I can live with that.

I'm glad I said "yes".

Till next time...


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