11:09 am - Fri 3.07.2008
My 7 Year Anniversary

Fri 3/7/08 (9:09 a.m.)

Today marks the seventh anniversary of my arrival in LA.

I still remember hitting the LA city limits that day, seven years ago; it was early afternoon, and as a light rain started pattering down, I recall thinking to myself, �What the hell happened to �it never rains in Southern California'...?�.

And now, here we are.

I�ve clearly come a very long way, but just as clearly, there remains a very long way to go.

Well, if I did actually feel that way, and aren't just re-writing my own emotional history, that feeling is long gone now.

The first day of the AT&T shoot (A week ago Monday), I wasn�t getting any cell phone reception at the location. But driving home that night, I checked my messages as soon as I did start getting a signal...and was very disappointed when there was nothing from Brett or JS about auditions.

For the record, my last audition was three weeks ago (The callback for Orbit). There�s been nothing from JS since then, and nothing from Brett since the Writers strike ended (I barely even think about Vicki calling me - Vicki�s my theatrical agent - since it�s been such a rare occurrence so far).

In any case, I'd like to return to those happy days of yesteryear, where I'd feel "set" for a time after booking a gig. Because in reality, I am "set" for now, and shouldn't be worrying about where the next gig is coming from.

I don't "need" to book something tomorrow, or even the day after tomorrow (Well, booking something tomorrow - or the day after tomorrow - would be unlikely anyway, since that's the weekend, but you know what I mean); My bills are paid, I have an ArcLight check in my wallet waiting to be deposited, and I'll be getting a check for the AT&T shoot sometime soon (And can look forward to residuals after that).

So while I may want more auditions - cause auditions equal bookings, and bookings equal money, and money is good - I don't really need them right now. I'm doing okay, so I can probably relax for at least the next week or so.

As I write this, I'm on hold with AirCare Home Medical, the company that will (hopefully) be supplying me with my new CPAP equipment.

For reasons I don't completely understand, I've always resisted actually dealing with my sleep apnea, particularly in regards to CPAP stuff (I think I connect it in my mind with being an invalid).

But here we are, trying to "deal" (I say "trying" to deal because my experience with AirCare so far is that there have been a lot of conversations where I'm told someone will call me back, but no one actually calls me back. So I end up calling them back, all the while tamping down my ever-increasing annoyance at being treated so shabbily. But anyway...).

(Okay, this is almost funny...I just talked to someone, and they told me they'd connect with one of their "respiratory therapists", who would - you guessed it - "get back to me". Well, I guess we'll see what happens.)

So, what else am I doing to "try and take care of myself"?

Well, I called Brett a short time ago, just to "touch base", as I put it, to see if there was anything I could do to, basically, "help him help me".

We didn't really talk about "the elephant in the room" - The AT&T commercial I just did (I hadn't told him about it, but he found out because Molly mentioned it in a recent ACG email, which he still receives)- though he did allude to it briefly at one point, clearly to just remind me he's aware of it, and will expect to be "wetting his beak" at some point.

The conversation didn't feel all that substantial - it's still slow theatrically, maybe some new head-shots are in order, etc. - but we agreed to reconnect early next week, so I can bring over what I have of myself on dvd, and he can see what, if anything, I might want to put on an "online reel".

Another "taking care of myself" thing I've done recently - and this hopefully will be a substantial move - was to transfer the bulk of my savings from a Wells Fargo savings account to an ING online "orange account".

With Wells Fargo, I was getting a fraction-of-a-percent's worth of interest, but the current interest rate for ING's "orange account" is 3.4%

So it's kind of a no-brainer.

Especially after I sat down with someone at Wells Fargo, to see what I could get from them, only to find that I'm still small potatoes in their eyes - from what I could see, it looks like you need at least 25 thou with them before the interest rate gets...interesting.

(And I don't have 25 thou in the bank. I have more "thou" than I would have imagined possible in the past, but we're still a long ways from 25 thou at this point.)

Anyway, I think it's a smart move (recommended by Javier - my therapist - who in his past life was a big man in high finance).

It's not just the CPAP stuff - I'm resistant to caring for myself at all, really (My theory? On some basic, primal level, I'm waiting for "Mommy & Daddy" to come take care of me).

But if I don't do it, who will?

I want to succeed in life, and think I have a shot.

But even if I don't, if I end up alone in the gutter someday, I want to at least be able to say "I did the best I could...".

And on that cheery note - me alone in the gutter, having done "the best I could" - I think I'm going to catch a quick nap before getting in a workout at 24 Hour Fitness (The one place I've really dropped the "taking care of myself" ball lately has been in working out. But more on that in another entry).

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