10:10 am - Mon 9.03.2012
The "When You Assume" File

It's Labor Day.

Or as I like to call it, "Monday" (Monday's my regular day off).

I've said it before - Holidays mean little or nothing to me.

Less than nothing, really; Holidays are just days I know I won't get a check in the mail, I know I won't have an audition - that day or the day after, since the casting offices aren't open - and I'll (often) be painfully reminded I'm alone.

But this Labor Day, particularly during this political season, I'm glad I'm in a union, and grateful to the people who came before, who struggled and sacrificed to make that happen.

Because however much of a struggle it is sometimes, trying to be an actor in Los Angeles, it would be many, many times worse if not for my union.

In fact, it's very hard to imagine I'd still be here if not for SAG-AFTRA - I've said before that Producers would pay you $50 and a cheese sandwich if they could get away with it - so I'm grateful that being in a union is, literally, helping me (at least try to) realize my dreams.

Beyond the previously written-about crap - acting stuff, broken tooth, and general bad feelings - another thing that's been troubling me of late is that, after three phone calls and a request for his email address (Since we're not doing Facebook anymore), I hadn't heard from my brother Tony.

I was starting to make myself crazy, wondering, to quote the Blues Brothers song, "What I do to piss you off this time?"; we made each other crazy when we were Facebook "friends" (With our opposing political views), but like I said, we're not doing that anymore, and the last time we talked on the phone, we were great.

So I've been freaking out, wondering what could possibly be wrong (Most recent theory: I had inadvertently caused some upset when I wrote Lori or our Mom; they'd gone to him, and he was righteously angry on their behalf).

But happily, I just got a call from him a short time ago.

No anger or upset, turns out - The communication gap was just a combo of time constraints and technical glitches (He sent an email I never got - I'm thinking maybe it went to my "junk" file, for some reason?). and we had another completely delightful conversation.

It's interesting - the political thing aside, we really converse very easily, and did pretty much from the get-go.

And talking today, as I told him about the past week, and my tendency to quickly let a little worry become a lot of worry, he told me that's something of a "family trait" - He does it, and apparently so does Mom.

(I was very amused when he told me how - particularly back in the days when he smoked pot - every little headache made him worry about the stroke that was undoubtedly on its way. I've never smoked pot on a regular basis, but I still really related to that anecdote.)

I'm not sure exactly why that's comforting, that we're a family-of-worriers...but it is.

I guess part of what's always bothered me about the way my head works is that I've felt very alone in my dysfunction.

And, with no other way to explain it, I've tended to lay anything mentally/emotionally "wrong with me" at the feet of my unfortunate childhood, and been angry at myself for not doing a better job of "overcoming" it.

Though in this case - a tendency toward worry/anxious thoughts - the "common thread" between Mom and Tony and myself could be "biological"...but could also be "environmental"; there are some genetics in common, certainly, but what we also have in common are "difficult childhoods".

So maybe we were "born that way", or maybe we all learned the behavior as a childish attempt to deal with our difficult worlds.

Cause none of us had exactly optimal upbringings.

In any case, I'm not alone with my "Sky is falling" fearfulness.

And that makes me feel a little better.

And another one for the "When You Assume" File...!

Got home a short time ago from seeing Beasts of the Southern Wild with my friends Howard and Nathaniel - which I thought was great, by the way - and had a Facebook message from my friend Mike, who works on Shameless.

The big trip to Chicago he just made for Shameless location shooting?

Turns out, it's only the mid-way point of shooting this year (Apparently, they do two trips a year, or changed the schedule this year, or something).

So while all that stuff I said about "no one promised me anything" and how even if it was all over now, I still got to put it on my resume, and got to work with Bill Macy, etc, while all that stuff is true, reports of Kermit's "death" - said reports coming completely from Yours Truly - have been greatly exaggerated.

Mike told me the second half of shooting for the season is starting tomorrow, so hopefully, I'll still figure into Season 3 before it's all said-and-done.

Still wanting to write more, but time's slipping away from me, and it's somewhat more important that I go for a walk - have I mentioned lately that I've been double-digits over my goal weight for months now? - so until next time...

previous - next