11:05 pm - Tues 12.27.2011
Can't get started...
Continue to be frustrated over the drop-off in my journal-writing...but I want to avoid the mental trap I typically fall into at a time like this, which is to get tied up in my upset and general bad feelings about a situation, without ever quite managing to take action about the situation.
If I'm upset about "the drop-off in my journal writing", there's no need for hand-wringing, because there's a simple solution to the problem.
Xmas didn't go the way I'd expected it to, and initially, I was kind of bummed about that.
I'd thought I was going to go to Cary and Kay's on Xmas day, but - since Xmas day wasn't good for them, and Xmas Eve wasn't good for me - I went up yesterday instead (And I think it's safe to say a nice time was had by all).
On the actual day, I went to see Girl With The Dragon Tattoo with Howard (Having dinner at Fred62 afterward).
I'm sure there's some deep psychological reason I want holidays to happen on the actual day and am disappointed if they don't...but I realized after the fact yesterday that it didn't matter.
Cause it's not about the day - it's about the getting-together; I got to spend two days with people I like, who like me, and there's nothing wrong about that.
Though I wish (The same way I do after I finish an acting job) that the good feelings didn't disappear immediately afterward; it would be nice if they lingered awhile.
It just feels like the rest of this week is going to be dead; nothing happening on the acting front, nothing on the agenda but WW meetings and "alone time", and to add insult to injury, I have to work New Year's Day (And I'm kind of taking it personally that the year I become full-time at WW - and get paid holidays - would be the year WW decides to make us work that day).
I think it comes down to the "putting all my eggs in one basket" problem; acting is what I do for a living, but it's also the big thing that makes life interesting for me, that gives me something approximating a purpose.
Without it, when people ask me how it's going...I got nothing.
Clearly, in 2012, at the same time I'm figuring out how to make acting happen in a bigget, better way, I need to be figuring out what else is going to make my life interesting and enjoyable...and maybe even meaningful.
But for now?
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