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11:28 PM - 09.22.17
Life Is Better When I Win

Life Is Better When I Win

Where to begin...?

Some years back, I remember doing my year-end "acting wrap-up" and being depressed, because in my busiest month I'd only had nine auditions, while in the previous year - or at least a previous year - I'd had fourteen.

Now? What I wouldn't give to have a month where I had nine auditions...!

This month, I've had three auditions (Three theatrical auditions), and that means things are "really picking up".

But be that as it may, it's been nice to have some auditions...even though I've been frustrated that of the last four auditions I've gotten, three in a row were on Shameless shoot days (One I couldn't do at all, the second I was able to get to after the shoot, and the third I recorded on my cell phone after we wrapped, while my friend Mike M. read with me - More on that last one in a minute...).

So it was a real pleasure to get an audition for Thursday morning that didn't conflict with anything.

But apparently, not having anything stopping me from getting to the audition and doing my best was the cue for me to get sick Wednesday night.

Started feeling a little "off" toward the end of Zumba class, then got home, felt like I was gonna throw up, then started having full-on shivering, teeth-chattering chills (It's been so long since I've been sick like that that when I tried to take my temperature I couldn't, because the battery had died in my digital thermometer).

It was a miserable evening, not just because I felt sicker than I'd felt in a long time, but because I felt sicker than I'd felt in a long time and had a fucking audition at 10 o'clock the next morning.

I felt very sorry for myself, and very "unfaired-upon" by "the odds" (As in, "I almost never get sick like this - What are the odds that it would happen when I have an audition the next day, which is also a comparatively rare thing?").

I called my agent to tell him the deal, and he was pretty chill, considering - He said if I woke up in the morning and felt up to it, give him a call to let him know I was going, and if not, he'd call and let them know I wasn't gonna make it.

And I didn't think I was gonna make it - I went into the bathroom a number of times during the evening to try and throw up (Nothing much came up but bile), then tried to sleep, but my body hurt so bad that I couldn't find any position that was comfortable.

So for the next couple hours, I ended up alternately stumbling around my apartment like an extra on The Walking Dead, lying down till that became too uncomfortable, then sitting on the edge of my bed with a wastebasket nearby, in case I had to throw up and couldn't make it to the bathroom.

All the while mooing mournfully, like a wounded cow.

I'm a huge pussy about being sick. I never feel lonelier, never feel sorrier for myself, then when I'm "under the weather" - No one to pat my head, or go buy drugs for me, or drive me to the emergency room if it comes to that. No one to take care of me - Nothing to do but whimper and moan to myself, and hope it's nothing too serious.

But eventually, I think around midnight, I was able to lie down and eventually get to sleep...and to my absolute shock, the next time I woke up, around 3:30 am, I was fine - No nausea, no fever, no chills, body didn't hurt, nothing.

I woke up a couple more times before I had to actually get up - When I did, I nervously ate something, and when my body didn't object, I called Lyle and told him I'd be able to go to the audition after all.

I was pretty tired, but as I told friends afterward, the nice thing about looking the way I do and going in for the roles I typically go in for is that looking a little extra tired and bedraggled is often a plus (And can even add a little something to the characterization emotionally, as long as I'm not too tired to focus).

Was going in for the role of a homeless guy (see what I mean about coming in "tired and bedraggled"?), and it went really well - When I got in the room and did my thing, the casting director said the reading was "just right" (Or words to that effect), then told me to do it one more time the same way.

Which I did.


Sat 9/23/17 (9:45 pm)

So I left that audition feeling about as good as I feel after an audition - I don't think you can do a lot better than "Just right", I was at a big casting office I hadn't been to in some time, and it seemed very possible I was about to book my first role on a network sitcom in years.

I didn't book it.

Instead, I booked the one I'd had to record on my cell phone a few days previously, while on the Shameless set.

The one where I didn't know why I was bothering, since I've never booked anything from a self-tape.

The one that actually kind of annoyed me ("Why the fuck am I only getting auditions on the days I'm shooting Shameless? And why doesn't my agent seem to know my shoot schedule?").

I was "pinned" for it first, which was kind of painful, since I'd just spent the day having hope slowly die over the other thing - there was a little "here we go again...!" feeling to it all.

And as evening turned to night, I was making fun of myself for checking my email over and over, wanting the "pin" to be confirmed, long after (I assumed) the end of the business day.

But got an email from Lyle at 11 pm, saying I was indeed confirmed for the role (On the Amazon show Bosch), and the official offer will be made as soon as they have the episode shoot schedule in place.

I'm pretty thrilled about this for a number of reasons - It's a nice little role (A co-star, but two scenes. And while no one's made any promises, it seems like it could could recur), it's the second time I've booked with this new agent (out of just six auditions he's gotten for me so far), and it breaks a years-long drought on non-Shameless TV bookings - but top of the list is because I booked it off a self-tape.

Till now, I have hated having to put myself on tape for something - I don't like not being in the room with casting, it's a pain-in-the-ass (Either having to pay for a professional to do it for me, or roping a friend in to help me with it, and working all that out), I'm uncomfortable with not being able to get a "re-direct" (going back to "not being in the room with casting"), it annoys me that I'm having to "do all the work", and as I've said before, I've never booked a job from it - but it's become a "thing" the past couple years and isn't going to go away, so I have been dying to book something off a self-tape, just so I can learn to embrace it as something that actually can lead to booking a gig.

So looks like it's shooting on the 6th, but I haven't gotten the official word yet (A little worried about a potential conflict with my next Shameless, but I'm going to choose to believe everything will work out perfectly).

One other thing that makes this booking particularly delightful is it's casting I very much approve of - Bosch is a cop/detective show, and I'm playing an administrator/forensics expert.

If you haven't noticed, cop/detective shows are a perennial on TV (I've been bemoaning the fact that "no one knows what to do with me, because I don't 'look like' anything", so I wouldn't mind if this casting "caught on", which I think is more likely to happen when people see you do it, or see that you've done it before).

And the other audition, that didn't go my way?

The story I'm telling myself is, now that the casting director has seen me again, and I did well, he'll bring me back in for his flagship show, that I'd frankly rather be on anyway (I've auditioned for said "flagship show" at least twice before. And all things being equal, I'd rather be on a hit show that's gonna be in syndication forever, than on a new show that, statistically, probably isn't gonna make it).

So with two auditions that went well under my belt, two shoots coming up (The show I've been writing about, and episode #811 of Shameless), and three outstanding checks still winging their way toward me (For episodes #808, 809, and the webisode promo), I feel both that the fiscal pressure is off for awhile, and hopeful about what remains of 2017.


Mon 9/25/17 (10:40 pm)

Well, I did it - A couple days ago, I "pulled the trigger" on getting a vaping pen.

So I "vape" now. That's something I do.

I got it on Saturday, and was tempted to break it out soon as I got home from work. But I decided to hold off till Sunday night (Mostly to show myself I could - I have some mild concern regarding "addictive tendencies").

And it was great least after I figured out how to do it (At first, I wasn't pressing the button down, so nothing was happening).

I got very high, in part because it just happens quicker than I realized when vaping (It's not like waiting for an edible to kick in), but also because I just seem to like getting "very high".

But that is something I want to moderate - Not because I have a big issue with getting wasted on occasion (Though I do worry about over-doing it), but because I want to see if this has any use beyond that, like helping me sleep at night, or freeing up my writing, or just helping me "level out" when I'm particularly anxious or depressed (I'd rather do that than go back on an anti-depressant).

I also just don't want it to be a crazy-expensive new habit - This fiscal boat has stayed afloat, in large part, because I don't do shit like this, so in order to not feel guilty over this unnecessary expense, I'm really gonna need to "keep it to a dull roar".

(Currently, the pen is in a cup with my drawing pens -which I haven't broken out in some time-awaiting its next deployment.)

Well, I could drone on, but I think I'm gonna wrap up here, and head off to bed...


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