1:07 pm - Sun 11/21/04
Bored With Boredom

Spent most of the morning writing an entry off-line, pissing and moaning about this and that, in a most un-original, un-entertaining manner.

Long story short? The "long story short" that could comprise just about any "pissing and moaning" entry I write in here?

Here it is: I feel bad, and would very much like to feel better.

I know it's not very "Puritan Ethic" of me, but I feel that life should be mostly enjoyable. It's why I came out here, really--To craft a life I thought would be...well, mostly enjoyable.

And how's it going so far?

Well...the weather's nice.

And so far this year, I've spent five days on commercial sets, getting paid to do things that were a lot like acting. That was pretty cool (Except for the Hyundai shoot, which temporarily had me thinking I might prefer a career in shoe sales).

And did I mention the weather's nice...?

I kid--sort of--but it seems apparent that I've got a long way to go before I hit the city limits of "Life Is Mostly Enjoyable" Town.

A big problem I've had is--say it along with me. You know the lyrics--the bookstore.

My big gripe right now is not the low, low wage (Which sucks), or the customers (Who often suck), but boredom which has reached amazing new heights.

I'm tired of being bored. I'm bored with being bored.

And when that tremendous boredom combines with equally tremendous fatigue, that's when the psychic fun truly begins.

When I'm exhausted and bored to the point where I want to start screaming just to "liven things up", I end up going to some dark places in my head. And not to brag or anything, but my "dark places" are probably darker than your dark places (Unless you're a serial killer or something like that. Then you probably win the "dark places" contest).

In short, it doesn't feel good. Which runs counter to my desire to have life be---say it along with me--"mostly enjoyable".

But speaking of "not feeling good", I thinks I feel my bed calling me...

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