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11:09 pm - Mon 01.18.2010
A Brief Note From \"Chicken Little\"

A Brief Note From "Chicken Little"

I am afraid.

I don't mean something is causing me to be afraid right now, I mean that "fear" is, in my mind, one of my defining characteristics.

I often think of myself as "worrying" a lot, or being "anxious".

And I do worry a lot, and I am an anxious guy - No two ways about it.

But I'm realizing that to say "I'm a worrier" or "I'm an anxious guy" doesn't say much, because we're talking about symptoms here.

(You might think "worry" and "anxiety" are synonyms, but I'd define "worry" as having specific concerns about a particular situation, while "anxiety" is a more generalized "dis-ease".)

Underneath all that worry, all that anxiety about pretty much everything, is one overriding fear:

I am not strong enough.

I am a very smart, talented, warm-hearted guy...who can't shake the feeling that he's "weak", that he "can't deal".

I worry as much as I do, I'm as anxious as I am, and have "kept myself down" like I have because, in my heart of hearts, I don't think I'm "up to the challenge"...whatever the challenge may be.

And one "challenge" I don't seem to think I'm up to is dealing with my own tempestuous emotions...which is why I avoid situations that might make me feel those "tempestuous emotions".

But it's gotten (relatively) late, and I have to work an early Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow, so "Chicken Little" here is going to bed.

But trust me - I'm nowhere near done with this...


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