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10:54 pm - New Years Day 2004 (Pt II)
Jim Does Chinatown

Jim Does Chinatown
(8:32 p.m.)

I spent most of yesterday with Tim G., John C., and John C.'s sister Leslie, touring Chinatown.

I've only been there once since I moved here. That was with Chris S., and we didn't really look around–We just had dim sum at one of the restaurants.

I was pleased when Tim brought it up a couple days before, while we were at work. I like Tim (I like John C., too, though sometimes I get pissed off with him as a supervisor), but didn't know how to invite myself along on one of their little outings (Leslie is visiting for the holidays from out of town).

They picked me up around 10 a.m., and we basically just walked around, checking out all the shops.

(I was a little bit nervous--Just about all the shops had signs that said "If you break it, you buy it", and while I "move well for a big man", as the cliche goes, there were frequently lots of people milling about, the aisles were narrow, and I didn't want to buy it because I'd broken it–but the day went by without my breaking any breakables.)

I had a great time, looking at all the beautiful pottery, and ornate swords, and cheap dimestore Buddhas (And some very beautiful, expensive ones as well), and restaurants with live fish and crabs and lobsters, with skinned ducks and pigs hung up in the windows, and stores that sold shark fins and ginseng by the (very expensive) pound, but at the end of the day, I was the only one who didn't end up buying anything, probably because I'm a bookseller at Borders, and Tim and John C. are managers and supervisors, and make a little more dough than I do (I did, however, write down the name of a place that sold switchblades and stilettos. I can't explain why I would possibly want a switchblade or stiletto–I really don't plan on knifing anyone anytime soon–but I just think they're really cool).

All that window shopping made me realize I'm totally bullshitting myself about having become less "materialistic" with age; by saying " I've grown past needing to ‘collect things'", what I really mean is "I've trained myself not to want what I cannot have".

The truth of the matter is that I'd probably have a house full of crap if I only had the money.

The other thing the day made me realize is that I may actually be growing in at least one respect–I seem to be becoming more comfortable not talking if I don't have anything to say.

I think in the past I've been afraid not to entertain people. But now, sometimes I'm just too tired to bother with that, or I genuinely don't have anything to say, or I realize that, every so often, other people might enjoy "taking the floor" (I don't want to imply that I'm totally "there" yet–I still get anxious when I have long stretches where I don't have much to talk with people about–but the urge to constantly "perform" seems to be ebbing somewhat. A lot of the time, I'd prefer to save the performing for the stage...or the set).

Tim G. dropped me back off at my place shortly after 5:00. Brad W. had invited me over to his place, to ring in the New Year with a small gathering of some of the day crew, but I was pretty tired after a day on my feet, and just didn't feel like it ( I was concerned about being a no-show and hurting his feelings, but I'm pretty sure he'll recover).

Instead, I "partied" by going down to the gas station and buying a hostess pie and a pint of ice cream (I'm telling myself that's the end of that for a good long while!), then just hanging out at home, playing on the computer and watching tv.

Mark and Jane called shortly after midnight–which was shortly after 3 a.m. their time–having just gotten back from a party at Lamont C's, to wish me a Happy New Year. I thought that was very nice, and I appreciated the gesture, even though the conversation felt strained because I didn't really have anything to say (I do have the urge to develop myself so I can talk about something beyond what auditions I've had over the past week).

But anyway...

I feel the urge to do the whole "What I Want In The New Year" thing, but anyone who's been reading along for the past year or so pretty much knows what I want in the new year–I'd like to kick the acting career up a couple notches, I'd like to be able to quit Borders, and I'd like to meet Miss Right.

Beyond that, I guess I'd just like to enjoy my days a little more, and remain healthy enough for health not to be an "issue".

Everything else is pretty much negotiable.


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