5:23 pm - Sun 4.17.2011
Making Connections

Well, there was a brief "epilogue" involving my medical bills - having to do with my sleep study - but while it may be premature to pronounce everything "settled" (before getting the final word from my insurance), I think I'm where I want to be on the matter (Which is "paying out a lot less than if I hadn't called to question said bills").

And that's gone a great ways toward "lightening my load"; beyond the obvious thrill of getting to keep more of my money, it feels good to have taken action and gotten such a good result (Hopefully, there's a lesson there for the future).

And beyond that, it's nice to feel (at least temporary) relief from the chronic, depressing thought that "I can never get ahead", that every infusion of cash coming my way will be promptly followed by a large bill.

For now, I'm officially "ahead".

Encouraged by this development - and by getting a residual check in yesterday's mail - and armed with coupons for the new Staples that just opened in my neighborhood, I finally "pulled the trigger" on a purchase I've considered for awhile, and bought an mp3 player and a docking station.

(Having some "buyer's remorse" about the docking station - Bought it cause it was all they had that wasn't IPod-specific, but fear it's not going to do what I want, sound-wise - but that's not that big a deal. The "takeaway" here is that I thought about doing this for awhile, and finally gave myself the okay.)

Made this purchase with a specific goal in mind - I'm hoping if I load up the player with my favorite songs, that it'll motivate me to do more around the house, and spend less time on the computer or watching tv (I'm guessing chores might be more easily accomplished if the tv and computer were off and great music was playing in in the background) - so it'll be interesting to see how that plays out.

(Interestingly enough, bought the thing yesterday, but just took it out of the package a short time ago, and haven't done anything with it yet; I tend to be skittish when it comes to figuring out new devices, fearing my low tolerance for frustration.)

Anyway...

Recently, I was intrigued when given a link (via a Facebook "friend") to a website for FCAA (aka Foster Care Alumni of America).

It seems the group's primary thrust is to advocate for foster children currently in the system - the idea being "who knows the system better than the people who've experienced it first hand?" - but there also appears to be a component of connection for...well, for people like myself.

For whatever reason, I didn't leap to sign up (I first checked it out maybe a week-and-a-half ago), in part because I had a feeling they were going to want money from me.

...and it turns out they do - I went to register a little while ago, and "membership" is $20 a month (For "alumni" - for "allies", it's $35).

As I just posted on Facebook, I'm debating, if I'm even up for spending another $20 a month, whether I'd get more from this group, or from upgrading my cable.

But speaking of "groups"...

I got a call, maybe a week or so ago, from Javier, my former therapist.

When I got back to him, he told me he was forming a Group, having to do with "cognitive therapy", and wanted to know if I wanted to be involved.

It's going to be on Monday mornings, which would basically make Mondays "Group day" (My current Group meets Monday nights).

I'm intrigued because I already know Javier and know I like him, but beyond that, the Group he describes sounds like a better "fit" for me than my current group.

My group right now is supposed to be centered around "relationships", and clearly I'm getting something from it, cause I keep going every week.

But it's never really felt terribly focused. And while I may be getting some relief from my loneliness (At least once a week, I have somewhere to hang out with other people), I'm not convinced I'm getting much therapeutic benefit beyond that.

I perceive my issues with "relationships" (Issue with relationships, really - the "issue" being that I don't have any) as not my main "issue", but rather, the symptom of a larger "issue", which is the negative, fearful things I tell myself about myself, and to a lesser extent, about the world I live in.

Hence the appeal of Javier's Group, at least from how he described it to me - It sounded like it would be more about changing the thoughts behind my negative, anxious feelings, in a clearer process/results-oriented way, than what I'm currently doing (Cause honestly, I don't exactly know what I'm doing in my current group, beyond the aforementioned temporary "relief from loneliness"/having-something-to-do-on-Monday-nights.

I really can't see doing both groups for long, so it occurs to me that if I like the new Group and it seems to be helpful, I could drop my current group, which would go halfway toward freeing up my nights for, perhaps, getting myself back into doing theater (My initial foray into LA theater was not promising, but it continues to bother me greatly that I'm an "actor" - a professional actor, no less - who hasn't really "acted" in years).

Well, I could go on, but the things I could go on about I think warrant their own entry, and I fear I've tried your patience/taxed your concentration as it is.

So I think I'll venture down to Walgreen's - then perhaps to Rite-Aid - and see if either place has a "docking station" that looks more like what the doctor ordered than the thing I bought at Staples.

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