9:02 pm - Thurs 2/26/04
Where's Buddha When You Need Him?

I've spent a good part of today reading reviews of Mel Gibson's The Passion Of The Christ, mostly from the RottenTomatoes.com website.

Reading the reviews, and some accompanying background articles, I'm struck by the fact that what's obviously most meaningful to Gibson about the Christ story--Namely, Jesus's torture and death--is the part I've always found the most...problematic.

As a kid, all that "blood of the lamb" crucifiction stuff was just confusing and scary (Add the "hellfire and brimstone" business, and you were talking one gross, frightening, emotionally coercive belief system!).

And as I grew older, it just made less and less sense, Jesus "dying for my sins"--Why would such a sacrifice be neccessary? I mean, if God is love, how come he can't just forgive? After all, I can. And how does it follow that this blood sacrifice is a sign of God's love rather than his savagery (Or at the very least, his screwed-up value system)?

I just couldn't reconcile all the blood and guts with the peace, love, and understanding that, in all honesty, was never front-and-center in the christianity I experienced anyway.

(Where was Buddha when I needed him...?)

A couple days ago, I got a call from Zanuck, Pason, and Pace (The agency I sent a headshot to, at the recommendation of Brad Lemack).

They wanted to meet with me, to discuss representation.

In their commercial division.

(It's amazing how quickly your heart can soar, then crash, during the course of one brief phone message...)

I called them back, saying I already had commercial representation, so thanks but no thanks, and immediately was torn by indecision; I wondered if I should have taken the meeting, if they were a bigger, better, stronger, faster agency than JS, etc and so on.

But JS seems to be doing pretty well by me thus far. I don't know if I might do better elsewhere or not, but there's no compelling reason for me to jump ship at this point.

(That said, the next time this sort of situation arises, I probably will at least take the meeting.)

Speaking of the commercial game, it's been a very busy period for me; In the past seven days, I've had four auditions.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like any of them went particularly well. Certainly none of them went well enough that I'm expecting to book anything from them.

That's why I'm reading Acting In Commercials, by Joan See.

I still feel way too "hit-and-miss" in how I do at these things. I'm tired of feeling like I did "okay" at this audition, "sucked" at that audition, then was really "great" at the other audition. I can't afford to be so inconsistent.

A lot of what Ms See has to say in her book is "Acting 101", adapted to the demands of commercial auditions and performing.

But that's okay, because I think I need to "get back to the basics". Acting classes were a long time ago, and a refresher course might definitely be in order (And some of this isn't "refresher" stuff, but just techniques to deal with audition situations where it's a challenge to do your best work).

My goal this year, beyond getting a lot of callbacks and booking a lot of gigs, is just to leave every audition feeling like "I did the best I could". And I think that's do-able (I can't control what they do, unfortunately, but I sure as hell can control what I do).

Well, the newest foolishness from Borders Inc is that the sellers can't be behind the counters.

This edict just strikes me as goofy. I guess the rationale is that we need to move around the store, and be more "pro-active" in our efforts to help customers.

I'm not exactly sure how having clerks stationed at clearly marked, centrally located information counters is a problem, but apparently it is.

And I'm not sure how having clerks be further away from the phones and computers, not to mention having customers not know exactly where to go if they have a question, is going to help business, but apparently it is.

It pushes my "low self esteem" button, I do know that much. My job not only doesn't warrant an office, a cubicle, or even a desk--Now I can't even have a fucking counter.

(And with some of our customers, you want a counter between the two of you...!)

I'm sensing paper hats are only a few weeks away...

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