jim515's Diaryland diary

1:58 pm - Sun 3/6/05
Emphemera/Money
Sat 3/5/05 (2:38 a.m.)

Ten Songs I'm Embarrassed To Admit I Like (And Other Bits Of Ephemera From The "Pocket Journal"

1. "Same Old Lang Syne"�Dan Fogleberg
2. "Joy To The World" �Three Dog Night
3. "Love Will Keep Us Together"-Captain and Tennille
4. "Signs"-Five Man Electrical Band.
5. "Country Roads"-John Denver
6. "Laughter In The Rain"-Neil Sedaka
7. "Let Me Be There"-Olivia Newton John
8. "Chevy Van"-Sammy Johns
9. "Okie From Muskogee"-Merle Haggard
10. "El Paso"-Marty Robbins.

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"History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves of for their own purposes."

�Thomas Jefferson�

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Diaryland Titles I've Considered

1. A Couple Of Things I Like About Borders (Reminder To Self: There ARE Things I Like About Borders)
2. The Taco Bell Cannon (Alternate Title: Deflater Mouse)
3. Just A Song-And-Dance Man
4. "Honestly...?"
5. My Very Own Slush Fund.
6. Dotting My T's And Crossing My Eyes
7. Push-Ups And Pull-Ups And Dips (Oh My!)

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"I think the healing power of dogs has less to do with what they give us than what they bring out in us, with what their presence allows us to feel and experience."

�Caroline Knapp�

The LACK Of Money Is The Root Of All Evil

Sun 3/6/05 (12:39 p.m.)

I am stressing, stressing, and stressing some more about money these days.

Saw that Hometown Buffett was a SAG audition, and found myself stressing out over the chance I'd actually book it�Where's the $1400-and-change to sign up for the union going to come from?�while at the same time, I'm stressing out over not having booked anything at this point. The textbook definition of "Damned if you do, damned if you don't".

I'm not making enough money at work to cover the monthly bills, and the expenses just keep coming. And while my stomach is in knots over money, I still can't stop myself from spending money I don't have (Not much, really�I haven't bought an action figure in the new year, and the only movie I've seen in the past couple months has been a matinee of The Aviator�but it doesn't take much). I just feel so...emotionally screwed: I feel depressed and deprived if I never do anything, but similarly bunched-up if I spend money to do anything.

There's all the money to start up with the Notary thing, and no idea when that'll start paying off (Or how I'd even start up with it, while I'm still working and doing auditions. But how do I leave Borders until and unless I go forward with it, and "it starts paying off"?).

And forget about the dental stuff; I'm getting bunched up over how I'm going to pay what I already owe. I can't be adding a $500 credit card payment (The down payment) and a $125 a month bill to my already overburdened finances.

And I know this stressed-out feeling affected my enthusiasm regarding that recent play audition�If I had to change my availability at work, maybe I'd go from short hours to even shorter hours, and how the hell would I deal with that?

I need a major infusion of cash that I don't see coming around the corner anytime soon.
I hate that money matters so much.

But it does. It sure as shit does.

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