9:21 pm - 01.29.2013
I've had five auditions so far this month - six, if you count the bank commercial callback - but in spite of a decent number of auditions (Not record-breaking, but decent), I feel like "nothing is happening".
But...Bill Macy friend-requested me on Facebook - his daughter convinced him to sign up - so there's that (I honestly never think he's going to remember me from one season of Shameless to the next, but clearly, he actually knows who I am, which please me no end).
(And because Steve Buscemi is a friend of Macy's, I friend-requested him, and he accepted. So now I could Facebook with two great character actors, one of whom I actually work with a couple times a year - I haven't yet, really...but I could if I wanted to.)
(Editor's note: I actually did take a break and message BM, just telling him what a big deal it is getting to work with him. Feels unprofessional to do that sort of thing on the set, but on Facebook, it strikes me as a nice thing to tell someone. If it's still a professional faux-pas...well, at least "my heart was in the right place".)
On Thursday, I auditioned for another Showtime show, Masters of Sex (About sex-researchers Masters and Johnson), and I thought it was maybe going to go my way...but it didn't.
(But it got me in a casting office I haven't been to before, and the CD seemed to like what she saw, so I'm going to "choose to be hopeful" about my chances of a return visit before too long, if the show doesn't get cancelled first.)
But so far, none of the auditions I've had since shooting the bank commercial, including Masters of Sex, have "turned me on".
I wrote a Facebook status recently to the effect that "No matter how much I worry, I'm always blindsided by something I didn't see coming" (Leaving me uncertain whether "I shouldn't bother worrying, or should get a whole lot better at it").
The audition I had for a Burger King commercial last week is a perfect demonstration.
Going in, I was a little nervous about it, because it was for the comic role of a French chef, and I wasn't sure my French accent was exactly tres magnifique (I do a lot of "faux accents" to entertain myself in private, but for whatever reason, haven't spent much time entertaining myself with a faux "accent francaise").
Anyway, played around with it a little the night before - and the morning of - but when I got to the audition, I was undone, not by the accent (Which was fine) but by acting out making a sandwich like a French Chef might.
With no implement beyond a spatula.
And with no real idea how a "French chef" does anything, let alone makes a fucking Burger King sandwich
And with no time to consider how I might go about it - Just doing it in front of the clients, then and there, for all the marbles (The Director was not there, for some reason).
So, no pressure or anything.
(And no, I don't know that that was the "deal breaker"...but it certainly wasn't the "deal maker").
While I'm not rolling in a field of greenbacks, I'm not quite as panicky about money as I've been recently.
At least I know there's extra money coming in at some point - the first network repeat of my NCIS episode, last year's Shameless episodes (Airing in a marathon the week before the new season began), and the bank commercial shoot fee (And whatever money I make from it during its run) - but I haven't seen any of it yet.
And in addition to that money, I assume I'll get a tax refund of some amount.
(Though the only "prep" I've done so far is tearing the 2012 mileage pages out of the notebook in my car, and sticking them in my "expenses" envelope. It would clearly behoove me to "get on the stick" here.)
Thurs 1/31/13 (10:00 am)
Well, my new Facebook "Friendship" with Bill Macy?
About 99.9% sure he's a fake.
His response to my message:
Ahh well thank you, and it was a pleasure meeting and working with you too, i enjoyed your personality very much, among the best in any set ive worked in, keep up the good work buddy.
So what's the problem?
1. The use of the past tense makes it sound like something that hasn't been ongoing (Our "working together").
2. His phrasing of my personality being "among the best in any set I've worked in"
Actors don't work "in" sets; we work "on" sets. That's a pretty egregious mistake for a life-long actor to make.
And it's just an odd, "off" sentiment in general (Relatively speaking, I've spent very little time interacting with the real Bill Macy, on camera or off, so it's hard to believe he'd weigh in on how pleasing my personality is). An actor or comedian, being nice to a comparative neophyte, would be much more likely to say "You're a really good actor" or "You're very funny".
So I un-friended "Fake Bill Macy" (And fake "Steve Buscemi" just for good measure); not sure what the scam is here - maybe something nefarious, maybe people just enjoying pretending to be celebrities and fooling people - but I don't care to be part of the story.
I'm kind of embarrassed that I fell for this, and was so excited, but contrary to popular belief, I'm only human.
And it's easy to get people to believe something if it's something they want to believe.
No auditions so far this week...
I keep thinking "I've got too much wrapped up in getting auditions and bookings".
I've said it before - That seems like a pretty major drawback of trying to do what you love for a living; when it's not happening, you're not making a living, and you're not doing what you love.
And I don't really have anything else.
"So? Get something else."
What "something else"? How "something else"?
The toughest part of what I'm trying to do, in my own estimation, is not the "rejection", it's the uncertainty (Though I guess you could say rejection "folds into uncertainty; a lot of rejection can make your life and future seem pretty uncertain).
And how not to get "ground down" by that uncertainty. How not to be overcome by fear.
I feel myself wanting to "spiral" right now, because I'm tired and my head hurts and I'm surprisingly let-down by the "Fake Bill Macy" thing.
But I'm going to be able to pay rent this month. And I've got that previously-mentioned money coming in.
And it's only January - I've got 11 months stretched out in front of me for interesting, financially-rewarding things to happen.
I do need to figure out how to craft some kind of life for myself over and above acting - I shouldn't just be living for the next call, or the next gig.
But I can't solve that in one Diaryland entry; for now, it's going to have to do that I'm going to be able to pay rent and eat for at least another month.
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