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7:27 PM - SAT 3.11.23

So Far Away, Yet So Near

"I have always loved you...I would rather be a ghost, drifting by your side as a condemned soul, than enter heaven without you. With your love, I will never be a lonely spirit."

(Just finished rewatching Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon for the first time in years - The line I quoted is the dying Li Mu Bai's last words to Shu Lien. Which is some pretty romantic shit if you ask me. But anyway...)

Sun 3/12/23 (2:45 pm)

(Well, thought I was going to write an entry yesterday. But then I got distracted by one of my free tv apps. Anyway...)

Just got a happy text - I have a callback for the commercial I was quite enthused about in my last entry.

While I'm not surprised - the initial audition went quite well - I'm very excited. Because in commercial terms, this is about as good as it gets (A fun little role, in two national spots, with a famous funny person I'm a fan of).

And while booking this, were that to happen, wouldn't guarantee my financial solvency for the rest of the year (Because there's no guarantee where the spots would run or for how long), it would certainly be quite promising.

That's one reason why I'm always invested in booking something good early in the year. While it's partly just psychological - "Hey, the year is getting off to a good start!" - It can also turn down the pressure, from feeling I "have to book something" to just "wanting" it.

So...fingers crossed!

Well, I think I'm going to have to hit the "pause" button, because Jane R's going to call momentarily (We're going to have a little "check-in" before the Oscars, which we are both planning to watch).


(4:50 pm)

(A short-but-sweet conversation with Jane - It was fun to tell her about my callback, and fun to hear her talk about the collages she's been doing lately. With some of the health challenges she's had in the past couple years - particularly being diagnosed with Type-1 Diabetes - she's been put "back on her heels" a bit emotionally. But to her delight, and mine, she's lately felt a surge of creative, artistic energy that suggests she has "found her way back" to herself.)

It's interesting to watch the Oscars this year...

On the one hand, as an actor, I look at where these actors are, and the work they've gotten to do, and even though the ceremony is happening just a short distance from my apartment, that world has never felt further away.

...but you never know (I'm still pulling for being one of the slowest-burning, unlikeliest "success stories" in Hollywood history).

Dreams of success aside, it was fun, as the "awards season" started to rev up, to see Everything Everywhere All At Once doing so well, since that was one of the relative handful of movies I've seen with Jane (We also saw Pinocchio together, which won for "Best Animated Feature").

And however far I may feel from the Oscars, it's nice to think that I saw half the nominated films I saw this year because I'm in the union (The same union as all these big-time actors). I may feel "far away" from that world, but I'm a damn site closer than I was in Lansing, wondering if I was ever going to "pull the trigger" and try to make it in Hollywood.

("You do what your heart says you have to. You don't owe anyone your life." - The Fabelmans)

I thought I was going to go to Jane's place tonight, to watch The Last Of Us , maybe an episode or two of Poker Face, and a show Josh has recommended to me, Paul T. Goldman (Shows that are on HBO+ and Peacock, streaming services I do not have at present).

But then I remembered tonight was The Oscars, and things "went another way".

And it actually works out quite well, I'd say - Now, after tomorrow's callback, instead of spending the evening on pins and needles about whether I'm going to book the gig, I can lose myself in quality television (And maybe even draw a picture - On one of our trips to Blick, the art supply store on Beverly, Jane had me pick out a small sketchbook so I could draw in that when I'm over there, instead of on notepads or whatever scraps of paper I find around the place).

And that seems as good a note as any to end on, so end I shall.

Till next time...



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