11:16 AM - FRI 6.24.22
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(Watching Jeremy Allen White's new show, The Bear - I'm about to start the second episode - while contemplating the dark turn our country is taking...)

Well, as expected, SCOTUS has overturned Roe v. Wade...but the reality of it today is still hitting people like a ton of bricks.

On a personal level, I don't really have a dog in this fight - I'm not going to ever need an abortion, and it's unlikely I'm ever going to get a partner pregnant (If memory serves, I think you have to have a partner, then have sex, to get someone pregnant). And I'm not going to have a daughter who might want/need an abortion someday.

But be that as it may, I'm finding today's news very depressing and disturbing - I don't want to be living in a real-life Handmaid's Tale.

Because I actually like women.

But this Supreme Court won't be content with abortion - They're coming after contraceptive rights, same-sex marriage, interracial marriage, separation of church and state, and probably any other rights they can get their radical conservative, theocratic hands on.

And on a personal level, once again, it doesn't seem like much of this touches me directly - I haven't had sex in decades, am unlikely to ever marry (same-sex, interracial, or otherwise), and have never exactly been an "atheist activist" (Though that said, I can imagine scenarios where I could run afoul of a theocratic government/society).

But the same rule applies - I don't want to live under a theocratic, conservative ruling class. I don't want to live in a world where the only acceptable kind of person to be is a conservative, white, gun-loving straight man.

And while I've been focusing on how "I don't like any of this, but it doesn't affect me directly", they will get to me eventually.

Because, unless some kind of miracle happens, I'm going to need Social Security, I'm going to need Medicare, I'm going to need my pensions, I'm going to need the "social safety net".

And, given the chance, they'll be coming for all of that - Because they love big corporations and hate the individual.

This is why the other thing that's concerning me greatly is the current Jan 6th hearings.

It feels like the committee has made a devastating case -That Trump orchestrated the Jan 6th attempted coup, as part of his concerted effort to overturn an election he unequivocally lost - but the committee has no legal authority.

My understanding is that the hearings are primarily making a case to the American people (Almost half of whom seem beyond all reason) and to Merrick Garland.

This makes me extremely fearful that the hearings will come and go...and nothing will happen, that Merrick Garland and the DOJ will see this blizzard of evidence and sit on their hands (Like they've been doing with people who ignore subpoenas from Congress), proving that some people are indeed "above the law", and emboldening the side that was entirely willing to subvert democracy and possibly foment civil war to wrest power from the majority.

I said on Facebook earlier today if we don't have free and fair elections, if there's no political/legal price for trying to blow up Democracy, there won't be anything left.

We'll have to change our name, because we won't be the United States of America anymore.

We'll be..."Godland".

Or maybe "White People World"...

(To anyone who doesn't come here for my opinions about politics and the like, I'm very sorry not sorry - It's my journal and I can say what I want...at least for now.)

It doesn't feel like much is going on these days, but I'll give you what there is...

Jane R's been here for the past couple weeks (She's leaving on the second, if I'm remembering correctly).

It's always wonderful to have her here - she's basically the sum total of my "social life" when she's here - and I think she's enjoying being here.

She's having a tough time with her Type 1 Diabetes diagnosis, in a "This is a massive pain-in-the-ass that is never going away and that's super-depressing" kind of way (I don't think I'm giving you the whole picture. But I'd be a little uncomfortable trying to do that here, so consider this "the gist").

I wish I could help her in some real, practical way. But I can't really tell her "It's not that bad", 1) Because I kind of tried that, and it didn't help, and, 2) It didn't help because it is that bad.

There doesn't seem like there's much to do but figure out how to deal - This coming from a guy who, more than once, has referred to his getting a potential Diabetes diagnosis as "a death sentence" - until it becomes...slightly less of a pain-in-the-ass.

And for what it's worth, I'm up for helping her work that out, if I can.

There's not much going on with the film just yet - For that reason, I've been mentally "back-burnering" it for a while (Cause I haven't really had any involvement with the film for years now, and how long can you be on pins and needles about a thing?), while Jane, with her broken ankle and her Diabetes, has had more pressing concerns of late.

But that said, I think we're both very eager to start having the film be seen (And in particular, to be seen by people who don't give a shit about "Jane Rosemont" or "Jim Hoffmaster"). It would be nice to start getting an idea of what we have here, and I don't think we really know until people start seeing it who are basically "going in blind".

I just want it to be successful.

Mostly for Jane - I'd like to have her at least make her money back - but a little for me too.

(I was about to say how I hope it also has some sort of "positive impact" on people - Because why do a thing if not to effect people? - but that really "folds into" it being a financial success. After all, nobody buys a film they don't think is going to have an audience, do they?)

In acting news - I haven't written in here since this has happened, have I? - I'm going back to the show I worked on a couple months ago.

Got the call a couple weeks back, and was starting to get a little crazy because no "offer" was being made (That's where they go from saying they want you back, to actually "making it official", telling you how much they're gonna pay and such).

initially I was supposed to shoot it yesterday, but that was changed to next Thursday.

And now my crazy-making thing is that I still haven't gotten a script.

I'd like to get it early enough that I'm not just obsessing over getting the lines down, but that's not really a big deal. It's really more about just wanting to know what I'm doing - As soon as I heard I was going back, I started fantasizing about what I might get to do and who I might get to do it with.

So I'd like to get the script and see what I'm doing (And with whom), so I can either be delighted at what I get to do, or just be happy that I'm getting another pay day (I've used the phrase "Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory" a couple times about this, regarding my tendency to want a thing to be more than it is, then being disappointed when it isn't what I'd hoped it would be).

Anyway...

After a discussion with my psychiatrist on Tuesday, I'm now on Prozac...but to my surprise, it's not for my general anxiety (because I'm already on Wellbutrin for my depression), but for my "binge eating".

Haven't thought of myself as a "binge eater", because I think of "binge eating" as "eating a whole pie" or something along those lines.

But the fact is, I eat all the time, and the vast majority of the time, when I'm not physically hungry (Actually, it's rare that I get physically hungry, because I fucking eat all the time).

So yeah, I'm a binge eater. And I'd like to be able to deal with this without the aid of pharmaceuticals, but the fact is, I've been doing this shit forever and I haven't been able to manage it on my own.

So bring on the drugs.

(I'm hoping, in addition to helping me with the eating, it might make me feel better, because other than seeming to stop my occasional urge to start crying in public for no reason, the Wellbutrin has been a disappointment).

But I'm running late for a thing I gotta do, so till next time...

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