9:37 PM - Mon 9.19.22
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I know I shouldn't think this way, but when I have to do a certain type of audition and I've never booked from that type of audition, it's hard not to assume failure in advance, to make my past lack of success a hard-and-fast "rule" for the future ("Why am I bothering? I never book these...!").

It's not the way you want to go into an audition, to put it mildly.

And that's why I'm really happy that I had "that type of audition" recently...and booked it.

I can't really say anything about it, except that it's a commercial...maybe?

And I'm going to do...whatever it is they want me to do in the commercial-or-whatever-it-is, on Thursday (If this were a private journal, I'd be writing about how "unusual" this particular booking is - even my agent doesn't seem to quite know what's going on - but it's not, so I won't. All that really matters at this point is that I'm going to do a thing and someone is going to pay me for it).

Happy to put a "win" of any sort on the board, because it's been a while. And with the documentary starting to do the film-festival circuit next month, I'm getting anxious about the money involved, so I'm happy to have some injection of cash coming in (Between plane fare, accommodations, food, and what-have-you, this film-festival thing is going to be a pricey proposition - Jane is going to set up an Indiegogo campaign for me, but I'm not convinced me hitting various film festivals across the country with the documentary is the kind of thing that will touch hearts and open wallets).

I've had another commercial audition since the one I've been talking about. And while I don't know whether I'm gonna book it or not - I think callbacks are Wednesday - it was a big ego boost (After I did my thing, the casting person complimented me on my "deadpan", saying "not everyone can do it" and "that's why this director brings you in all the time". Which was nice to hear...but did leave me feeling like it's a little weird to be complimented on your ability to do nothing).

(It's a lot to ask for, but it would be lovely if I booked that commercial as well. I've learned through experience that you haven't hit the jackpot just because you've booked a commercial - I've had Superbowl commercials air the one time and never again, and I've been cut out of a couple commercials altogether. So it's nice having two happen around the same time, so you can hope at least one of them actually does something.)

Other than my anxieties about money and packing and travel and the like, I'm starting to get excited about the four film festivals on the schedule in October and November (Awareness Festival here in LA, the Santa Fe International Film Festival, DocUtah, and the East Lansing Film Festival).

One thing I'm not nervous about, at least at present, is how the film will be received at these things - If we can get people in to see the film, I think they'll enjoy themselves.

Beyond that, I don't think there's anything to do but enjoy the experience and hope for the best.

(Meanwhile on the medical front...)

On Friday, I had the novel experience of having an ultrasound on my gonads (To determine why my testosterone level has dropped, on three successive blood tests, from "low normal" to "lower normal" to "below normal").

Got the results of the ultrasound today...and everything is normal "down there".

So my pituitary is fine (As was determined by a previous blood workup) and there isn't anything wrong with "The Boys", so...what's the deal?

(The next thing is to have a "DXA lumbar spine + hip", whatever that is, which is happening Monday morning. I don't know what that will or won't tell them, because my knowledge of biology is sketchy at best - Maybe the message from my pituitary to my testes to produce more testosterone is somehow "getting lost along the way"? Your guess is as good as mine.)

This all started because I'd noticed, in the past couple years, that my sex drive seemed to have dropped off a cliff - My PCP put me on Testosterone supplements, but grew nervous about that because of a blood clot I'd had in my leg (Testosterone therapy can lead to increased risk of blood clots), so he referred me to an Endocrinologist, who ordered some tests and referred me to a Hematologist, who then okayed me to keep taking the testosterone supplements.

I briefly debated whether this was something I needed to go through - While I really like having a sex drive (Kind of makes me feel alive), it's not as if I strictly need one, considering I've lived a celibate life for decades now and don't expect that to change anytime soon - but apparently, there's more to testosterone than just determining how often I want to masturbate (In addition to sex drive, a lack of testosterone also has an impact on things like bone density and muscle tone...and not for the better).

So I think I need to see what the problem is and if there's a fix (I might content myself with taking testosterone on a regular basis, but I'm not sure I'll have health insurance by April of next year).

Well, the details on tomorrow's gig are firming up - It's tomorrow in Culver City (Though I don't have a time yet), they've told me what they'd like me to bring, and someone is coming to COVID-test me within the next half-hour (I think that last part is pretty cool - Typically I've had to go somewhere to get that done).

In addition to that, I've got an audition for "motion capture" work for a video game (I've read the script and I have no idea what to do with it really. I have a powerful urge to call my VO guy and ask if he cares if I say "No thanks" - Not my usual urge when it comes to auditions, but this feels like a lot of work for nothing).

And now I'm about 15 minutes from my appointment, so I should probably wrap this puppy up.

Till next time...

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