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2:07 pm - Monday, Oct. 31, 2005
Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!
Fri 10/28/05 (12:08 a.m.)

Reading Kristin V.’s tv column on E Online recently, I learned her current three favorite shows are Lost, Grey’s Anatomy, and Veronica Mars.

Why is that of any significance, you ask? Because those are currently my three favorite shows as well (I’m not counting the shows Jane and Carolyn send me on tape, just the things I’m able to watch on a weekly basis). And for a second, I thought “You know, I could really just watch those three shows...” –maybe with the addition of My Name Is Earl--before I went into a panic over the idea of watching so little tv.

In fact, talking about the three “faves”, I like Veronica Mars so much that when the first season recently came out on dvd, I thought it would be cool if I had enough money to buy a bunch of the box sets, to give to people I know who haven’t seen the show.

It’s that good.

(And that first season’s finale was the best hour of tv I saw all last year. Maybe one of the best hours of tv I’ve seen, period.)

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I’ve been reading A Million Little Pieces for the past month. I’m only halfway through–a little more than 200 pages--and it’s due back at the store tomorrow, so I don’t think I’m gonna be finishing it (We can check out books for two weeks, then if we’re not finished, we can renew for another week. But someone screwed up and gave me two more weeks).

If you don’t already know, A Million Little Pieces is by James Frey, an account of his time in rehab at age 24 (In a compelling opening, Frey comes out of a blackout on a plane, with a broken nose and his teeth knocked out, with no idea where that he’s headed).

Early on, when he talks about how fucked up his life is, how many people he’s hurt, how much destruction he’s left in his wake, and so on and so forth, the book “spoke to me” (I’ve been wondering lately about the people left in my “wake”). But after leaving that stuff behind, the book became a lot less compelling.

I know it’s part of the story--Frey the alcoholic/crack addict has to figure out who he is, and what his life could be like, without his all-consuming addiction--but for me, 200 and some pages in, I was bored with “Addicted Guy”, and felt like I didn’t know who he was either, except that he’s really into drinking and smoking crack, and it’s killing him, so now he doesn’t like it so much, but he can’t stop.

(Interestingly enough, shortly before starting A Million Little Pieces, I’d grabbed a free promo from the store called Smashed--subtitled “story of a drunken girlhood”–and read the first 25 pages or so; obviously something is drawing me to this material, even if I then find it somewhat tedious.)

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I’m feeling a lot of pressure, financial and otherwise, start to build again...

I need another job, because the one I have isn’t paying the bills (And as much as I would like David–the GM-- to walk in front of a semi, I have to presume that’s not gonna happen. So my situation at the bookstore isn’t going to be changing in the foreseeable future).

That said, I still don’t want another job. I just don’t--I don’t know what I could do that would pay any better (or be any more flexible about the acting stuff), and I’m deathly afraid of jumping from an unhappy frying pan of a job into an even unhappier fire–but I’ve gotta do something; I can’t just wait till the money runs out again, which it will at this rate, then hit my friends up for another loan (I’ve worn people out in the past with my emotional neediness; I don’t want to wear people out now by my physical neediness).

(You know what this would be a good time for? This would be a good time to book a long-running national commercial. I mean, any time would be a good time to book a long-running national commercial, but this would be a particularly good time.)

I’m thinking about asking JS if he could use someone at the agency (I don’t know if he actually has people working for him, or if they’re all “interns”). For some reason, I’m uncomfortable about asking, but really, what could it hurt? He’ll either be interested, which would be good, or he won’t, and I won’t be any worse off than before.

Beyond that, and following up on the ArcLight application, I don’t really know what to do next, if the point is to try to actually improve my situation with a new job.

What constitutes “improvement”, you ask? A job that pays enough for me to live on, that allows me to continue to audition for commercials–that’s very important to me, since the potential payoff from the right commercial (In money and exposure) could be life-changing–and allows me to do theater at night (Obviously, I’d like the Signing Agent stuff to be exactly what the doctor ordered in that regard, but I can’t count on that happening for some time to come, so that’s “not on the table” as an immediate solution to my problem).

“Doing theater at night” has risen again as an important, perhaps critical, component of my success out here.

My Lansing experience is close to meaningless out here, and I’m a middle-aged, white character actor, which is not exactly hard to come by (Had another “Agent Night” where I was told I was specifically not what they were looking for. Which was depressing, to say the least). And I’m competing with actors who have a lifetime of experience and training that does mean something.

And the casting workshops, which I’ve enjoyed doing and seem like the closest thing I’ve had to a decent “shot” out here, are starting to frustrate me a little bit.

And sometimes more than “a little bit”.


 

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