1:30 pm - Sun 9/14/03
(Doing a final load of laundry, in preparation for my departure later this evening.)
Having a hard time collecting my thoughts...
This has been, by and large, a most excellent vacation. And it's one that would not have been possible without Tom K., who gave me the ticket, and Mark and Jane, who put me up at their place.
I didn't really want to come back to Lansing at this point in time, when, in my own mind, I haven't had all that much success in L.A.. I feel kind of stupid about that now, but that's how I was feeling.
But it was good to be back. And it was interesting to be back, to see how the place has changed, and how I've changed in relation to it.. And yes, it opened up a Pandora's box of thoughts and feelings and fears and insecurities to be back as well, which is where that last entry came from.
I got to see a lot of Kevin this past week, which renewed my sense of our friendship being a strong, and continuing, entity.
Thinking about Kevin, I really do feel like I've experienced some "protective forgetting" about some of the people I love here in Lansing; I guess if I remembered exactly how much I laughed with someone, how much we had in common, how comfortable we were in each other's presence, and how much I lost as a result of moving away, L.A. would be unbearable
I saw a number of people while I was here, people I've been friends with a for a long time (Tom H., Bruce B, Mark and Angela.), and people I wasn't really close with while I was here, but have become friends with in the time since I've moved to L.A. (Kristie D., Kathy B.).
I was reminded that I have been a part of things; I went back to the bookstore, and really enjoyed connectng with the "old guard". And the litle storytime I did gave me a much needed boost of performing confidence, in addition to being just plain fun.
Well, I'm just dying of fatigue here, so I think I'm going to wrap this up for now.
In a nutshell--I knew this trip was going dredge up some "stuff" for me, that it was going to remind me of some things I perhaps didnt' want to be reminded of (Basically, that I was a lot more comfortable here than I am in LA), but I'm glad I came, because I've been shown a lot of attention and love and caring, and it means a lot to me that I haven't been forgotten.
Well, I'm not nearly done exploring this time back in Lansing, but I'll have a lot of time to write on the plane and during the layover on the way back home. Right now, I think I'm going to try and catch a nap (I'll also have time to write tomorrow when I'm back at home, since I still actually have one more day of vacation).
If I try to thank everyone, I know I'm going to miss some people, but I just want to say thanks to everyone who made time to see me while I was in Lansing; I actually worried that Mark and Jane were going to be stuck having to entertain me my whole time here, and that didn't turn out to be the case at all.
See ya later...
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