2:04 pm - Tuesday, Oct. 31, 2006
Just Doing It

(The more I think about writing in here, the less I seem to actually write in here. So in the future, I'm going to try and take my cue from the Nike commercials, and "Just Do It"...)

Nothing of much interest going on on the acting front; I had two casting workshops scheduled this past week, but both casting people cancelled last-second, which was disappointing.

Beyond that, about all that's happened is that I had an audition and a callback for an HBO promo, which I didn't get.

(Once again, I realized it's actually possible for me to be too optimistic about these things; after I have a little run of bookings, I start thinking I'm going to book everything I go out for. And then when I don't, cause that's how it goes-You're going to lose a lot more than you win--it's that much more of a let-down. But anyway...)

Now I basically just want to start going out again--Haven't had a theatrical audition so far this month--so I can perhaps sneak in one more little "run" of successes by year's end.

Had lunch with Cary on Saturday (Kay and Donovan are visiting folks back in Michigan, so it was just he and I, at the nation's oldest operating Big Boy).
It was very enjoyable, as always, in addition to giving me some much-needed perspective--I'm not going to go into detail about Cary's situation, but let's just say I realized, when talking with Cary, that we're all faced with "challenges" in life. Particularly when trying to pursue a creative path.

One thing I'm thinking about a lot these days, and this applies whether I continue to struggle for an acting career, or somehow hit the big time and have more success than I ever dreamed possible, is what else there is in life for me. What am I beyond being an actor?

It troubles me that acting feels like pretty much all I have these days (And when you consider, really, how little I have of that...). I've operated on the assumption that all good things will spring from acting and my eventual success at it (Getting to do meaningful work, having things I like around me, attracting some successful, like-minded woman, etc).

But what if it does't...?

A week or two ago, I went to see Rob A., a coworker at ArcLight, perform at The Comedy Store on "Amateur Night" (He'd recently taken a six-week course on stand-up).

He was all right--I thought his material was comparatively weak, but I could forgive that (He's just starting, after all). And he had something that a lot of people don't; a naturally funny persona.

So I think when his material catches up with his natural likeability and presence, he could possibly go places.

Satara, his girlfriend, who's a stripper, was putting on her own show throughout the night, flashing the various comics to the point where she really became part of the show herself (Which was obviously the point).

After the show, I wanted to approach one of the comics, to tell her I liked her act, and Satara was there, shirt hiked up, having an in-depth discussion with the woman about having her boobs done.

It was strange--I'm a man, I haven't had sex since the first Bush administration, and here was a cute little blonde with her cute little breasts exposed.

And yes, I was somewhat titillated at the sight, but it mostly just made me feel sorry for her. Obviously, she feels like she's got one thing--okay, two things--that make her of any interest to anyone.

I'm not sitting in judgement here. I don't think she's a "slut" or a "whore" for showing her boobs to people. On the contrary, in the time since that night, I've thought a lot about how we all have "something we lead with" if we want people to like and accept us.

I know people, like Satara, who lead with their faces and bodies, while other people I know are almost pathologically funny and always "on" (I think I used to fall under the latter category. Though not so much anymore; as I've gotten older and tired-er, it just takes too much juice to be "on" all the time). And still other people lead with their willingness to take on more work than they can really handle, mostly for other people's approval.

We're all trying to sell what we think we have to offer, for other's people's love and acceptance (Maybe there's really healthy people out there who don't do that, but off the top of my head, I can't think of any).

I didn't realize I'd done it till I got to work, and I couldn't lock up my bike (I take it in to the theater now, so that wasn't too big a deal).

Anyway, I called Yvette, the female half of the couple that manages the apartment, and told her my story.

She told me the code to get into the building without a key, and said she'd leave a set of keys under a certain plant in the lobby.

She didn't.

I got home shortly after 2:00 am, and looked under every plant in the lobby. Then I looked under everything it was possible to look under.

No keys.

So I basically hung out in the lobby, getting what sleep I could, till 7:30 or so, when I started hearing signs of life in the apartment manager's apartment.

Talk about "wanting people's approval"...! I think it's interesting that, rather than bang on their door and say, "What the fuck!? You said you were going to leave a set of keys out for me!", I hung out in the lobby for over five hours, waiting till I wouldn't bother anyone.

(I think part of it was that I ultimately blamed myself for what happened; yes, she'd screwed up, but if I hadn't screwed up first, I wouldn't have been in the position I was in. But I also just didn't want anyone to be mad at me)

The other thing I thought was sort of interesting is the nature of "remembering things".

My guess, cause this is the way I used to think as well, is that Yvette didn't go and put the keys out right away, because she thought she'd remember it. Because it was something out-of-the-ordinary, she assumed it was going to "stick out in her mind".

But that's not the way it works, at least not for me, and I assume for a lot of other people as well. I realize now that when I have to do something out-of-the-ordinary, I have to write it down, because my mind wants to stay in its familiar little ruts and routines.

And kids, I gotta tell you--this show is just killer stuff. Exciting, thought-provoking, topical as can be. The kind of show I'm thinking of when I think about wanting to do great work in great things.

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