3:10 pm - SAT 8/03/02
E-mail to Kathy B.

(I'm pressed for time here, and not feeling energetic enough to write essentially the same info twice, so this is what I just finished e-mailing to Kathy. Kathy, I hope you don't mind...)

I'm actually hesitant to write you before I've "updated" in Diaryland--Now, when you read it, it'll just be "old news"--but I'm feeling the need to actually "talk" to someone about the stuff that happened yesterday, stuff both positive and...not so positive.

On the "not so positive" side, yesterday my bike got stolen.

It was really strange, and surprising to me, how it happened; I had just come from a fast food place (Where I'd kept an anxious eye on my bike, parked outside, because I was feeling a wave of paranoia about it getting stolen), and had locked my bike up outside the Vista theater (On Hollywood, just off Vermont). It was showing the movie Signs. I didn't really have the money to spend, and felt guilty (Which will be explained more fully in Diaryland), but I told myself I "deserved" to see a movie, and with it being a matinee, it was just $4.75, so "What the heck...!"

There was a line of people off to the left (At first, I wasn't sure if they were lined up to get tickets, or if they had tickets and were waiting to be let in. It turned out the line was for people who had purchased tickets already, so I got my ticket, and got in line).

When I got in my place in line, it put me just around the left hand side of the building, just out of sight of where my bicycle was parked. I got the book I was reading--Empire Falls--out of my backpack, and read a few pages, but between my eagerness (At seeing the movie) and anxiety (I was still feeling paranoid about my bike), I couldn't really concentrate, so I put the book away, and stepped a few steps out of line, to check on my bike.

And it was gone.

I'm not sure what happened, but it's hard for me to imagine someone felt comfortable getting out a big set of bolt cutters and taking my bike, in front of a group of people (How would they have known the owner of the bike wasn't right there?), so my guess is that I didn't click the lock mechanism tightly enough, a guy who had been right by the bike rack when I was parking it noticed, and quietly slipped the bike away when my back was turned (The only flaw in this scenario? I remember actually pulling the bike a bit away from the rack, to make sure I had actually locked it).

That's my theory, anyway. I'd rather believe it was my mistake, than believe someone stole my bike in front of a group of people who just watched it happen without saying a word (I don't find it hard to believe, with the people milling around in line, and getting tickets and what have you, that no one paid much attention to my parking my bike, or to someone walking away with it, especially if there was no reason to suspect it was being stolen).

I walked back and forth a couple times, somehow hoping that I'd made a mistake, or that my bike would magically be there when I went back to it, but no such luck.

I asked a handful of guys at the front of the line if they had seen anything, but they hadn't (I don't know that it would have mattered if they had, but still...). So I got my ticket refunded--I don't know why, since I might as well have stayed for the movie at that point--and I walked home.

My reaction to this has been really strange. I didn't scream or curse or cry or anything. As I walked home, a kind of funny thought occurred to me--"How odd...Something I was feeling paranoid about actually happened...."--which I think sort of explains my reaction; I've rehearsed this catastrophe in my mind a number of times, so having it actually happen was, while somewhat surprising, not totally unexpected.

But I feel a strange sort of blankness where I feel like there should be more of a reaction. It feels weird.

I've talked to Cary since then, and he assures me we'll figure something out; I know I want a bike out here (Another funny thought? I'd just finished saying again in Diaryland how the bike was one the "handful" of things I've really come to enjoy out here), it's just question of being able to afford it, and having someone help me with the process.

I was calling Cary in part to just tell him what happened, but also to ask for his help in figuring out what to do next; My tendency is to want to go to the nearest place that sells bikes and buy something, right now, but I don't trust my judgement. I don't want to spend more than I need to or can afford, but by the same token, I don't want to spend money on some cheap piece of junk that breaks down the first time I take it out. And I can't remember if I've ever bought a new bike, or even a used bike, from a bike shop, so I am filled with anxiety at the idea).

(I'm kind of hoping that Cary can maybe loan me the money, so I don't have to put another big charge on my credit cards. I'm not thrilled about that notion, but if he's willing, I'd be prepared to get over my embarrassment and discomfort. Either that, or maybe he'll be able to help me find something inexpensive that will be dependable without breaking the bank. I don't feel like I need any fancy; Maybe a three speed Huffy or Schwinn.)

So anyway, that's my bad news.

In good news--that I still have a lot of anxious feelings about, but more on that in a moment--I've been cast in another play!

(I'm starting to feel apologetic about this e-mail going on so long. I hope I'm not boring you...)

The play is called "Corpus Christi", by Terrence McNally. I'm not sure it would be your cup of tea (It tells the Christ story, except that Christ is gay and is born in Texas in the 50s)--I'm not sure it's my cup of tea, for that matter, since I haven't read it yet--but for right now, I'm going to say "It's me in a show, and that's a good thing" (It's being done at the same theater where I did my last show, so I guess, from the fact that they called to tell me about the audition, that their last experience with me felt like a positive one).

I'm feeling a fair measure of anxiety and uncertainty right now. I don't know what the rehearsal schedule is going to be like (The last one was very minimal, and posed no problem with my job, but that was a twenty minute long one-act), I'm downright scared of what the role, whichever one it's going to be, might require (Same sex kissing, and possibly nudity, which makes me want to say "YIKES!), and of course, as of this writing, I don't have a bike.

But I don't really know what else to do but just assume that everything is going to work out, one way or another.

That's my news from here, pretty much. A bigger "up-and-down" than I'm used to, especially when the "up" and the "down" happen in the same day, but I'm assuming I'm probably gonna live to fight another day.

I hope your eye thing is nothing too serious (New prescription, something of that nature?)

I did the balance transfer thing. I'm fearful that it's going to bite me in the butt somehow, but again, all I can do is just keep moving, and hope for the best.

The check balancing...? Well, I took a stab at it this past week, and in just the past month, caught three errors (Much to my consternation, they were all things I either hadn't written down, or in one odd case, two totally different figures for the same transaction). That initial effort just added to my confusion and anxiety--I always think I have less than the bank does, but those three mistakes meant I should have even that much less than I think I do. ARGGGHHH!!!

But anyway, I just wanted to drop you a line, and apprise you of my situation.

I hope you're doing well, and as always, I'll look forward to hearing from you when time and circumstances permit.

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