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10:25 AM - FRI 06.17.16
Chekhov's Gun Meets Kermit's Big Dick

"Chekhov's Gun" Meets "Kermit's Big Dick"

I'm shooting my first episode of the new season of Shameless in the next week or two.

(So before I move on, "Yay!" for getting back to work!)

A small issue - but a big issue for me - is if I can keep my current "look" (mostly white beard, mustache, and hair), or have to go back to Kermit's traditionally clean-shaven, brown-haired appearance.

I really like the way I look now (As does pretty much everyone who's expressed an opinion - more on that in a moment), so have been rationalizing getting to keep my new "old-man look", telling myself "People change their appearance in real life all the time, so why can't Kermit? If it has to be addressed on the show, it could be explained in a sentence - 'My girlfriend likes me this way' or 'I think it makes me look...dignified' or what-have-you".

But something happened earlier this week that suggests I've gotta get myself back to "Classic Kermit"...

Had a commercial audition on Tuesday.

And while I was slating (i.e. saying my name on camera), the camera person asked "Would you be willing to shave?" (Which was odd, since almost everyone they'd called in for the spot had facial hair, but whatever).

When I cheerily said, "I certainly would!", the camera person responded with "Yeah, I guess you would, since you're gonna have to anyway...".

"How did you know that?", I said, momentarily stunned (Seriously - I thought I'd just witnessed my first demonstration of honest-to-God ESP).

Turns out, she's a fan of the show (As is the Casting Director, which was nice to hear).

We then chatted briefly about the show, I did my thing, and was on my way.

And as I left, I thought "If it's a given for a fan of the show - that I'd have to get back to looking like my character - I guess it should be a given for me too".

But it sucks, and I'm pretty bummed about it (So bummed, I actually cried about it in therapy this week, to my horror) - It's tough to have a "thing" about your looks, find a look that is pretty much universally applauded, then have to go back to a look you now know pretty much nobody likes.

And you know what especially sucks?

Once I'm clean-shaven again, every other person who sees me is going to be like, "Jim! Why did you shave? You looked so good before!".

Yeah, it won't hurt my feelings at all, hearing that - or very similar sentiments - over and over again. And I certainly won't want to say, "Well, that's a pretty fucking rude thing to say to my face...!"

But what can I do? At the moment, sadly, nobody's paying me to have a beard and mustache.

C'est la vie...

Speaking of pay, another issue going into the new season of the show is "money", as in "Are they going to offer me some more of it?".

For the past two seasons, they've given me a $250-an-episode raise. So it seems reasonable to expect it again this year - particularly in light of what they asked of me this past season (Nudity aside, they also just used me in a lot of episodes, which suggests my usefulness to the show).

Basically, after consulting with my team, we've decided if they don't offer, we'll be asking...then, since I really don't have any power in this situation, Production will either say "Sure, why not?" or "No, you're getting what you're getting", and life will go on.

(Cause what am I gonna do if they say no? Quit?)

Speaking of nudity, last year's nude scene has put me in an interesting and odd "head-space" going into Season 7...

Over my years on the show, we've learned various interesting facts about my character - he has some kind of seizure disorder, he's a big gun-enthusiast, he's a fan of Bollywood musicals, etc.

Those facts typically come up on an episode, then are never referenced again, because I play a very small role on the show, and basically, who gives a shit?

But this past season, we learned Kermit has a huge dick (a huge pierced dick, no less!)...and on a show called Shameless, that doesn't seem like another "reference it once, then never again" piece-of-info.

Which leaves me wondering - Do I want it to be a "reference it once, then never again" little factoid, or do I want the writers to "make use of it" this season?

If it becomes a little "running joke" of some kind, that's one thing - if it's just a line here or there, that doesn't really do anything for me one way or the other - but if the writers feel they can get more comic mileage out of it?

Hard to imagine they give Kermit an on-camera girlfriend - again, they have a lot of principal characters to service, so they aren't gonna waste time on a recurring - but maybe an ongoing little thing about Kermit servicing a lot of neighborhood women, or a comic sex-scene, or something like that?

Last year's nudity took a lot out of me, it really did - even if it was ultimately kind of a good thing (It got me signed up at the Y, and in a roundabout way, led to my first sexual experience in the past 25 years) - so am I really up for a replay?

If it means maybe more screen time, maybe an extra episode, a little more attention/focus on my character? Maybe something that stands out enough to get me noticed by someone important?

Then I guess I am...even though, as I've told friends, if/when the time comes, and I open a script to read, "The scene open on Kermit's bare ass, bobbing up and down on a 300 lb prostitute", I know my default reaction will be for my heart to sink, as I then take a deep breath and say, "Well, it's in the script, so I gotta do it...".

Well, speaking of "replays" (and "comic sex scenes"), I wanted to write about my second-and-final go-round with Ryan on Monday...but I'm attending a SAG-Foundation event (A screening of Grace and Frankie, followed by a Q&A with Lilly Tomlin and Jane Fonda) in less than two hours, and don't think I have time - Besides which, I continue having ongoing troubles with deleting entries, so want to "publish" this while I can.

So, if you want to read about that, stay tuned (And if you don't...well, now you know in advance you can skip that entry).


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