2:18 pm - Thurs 4.11.2013
Not much is going on really, at least in terms of actual events transpiring, but something that happened last week, and something that just started happening, are much in my thoughts.
Still getting over the pain of whiffing on a big guest-star audition last week (A week ago yesterday).
Some of the "whiffing" had to do with "circumstances beyond my control"...but be that as it may, it's still hard to let go of my disappointment with myself, for not "rising to the occasion" with a great audition instead of something that was mediocre at best.
But I don't want to really "get into it" in here, in part because I want to make it the subject of one of my upcoming YouTube videos.
You see, that's the thing that "just started happening".
I've been telling myself I wanted to do it forever, but have never gotten around to actually doing it, I guess because of fear - Fear about my looks (Fear of seeing myself and getting really depressed), fear that "I won't have anything interesting to say", fear of the technology (Not so much the "point the camera at myself and talk" stuff; I'm talking more about editing), etc.
Fear of failure, basically - "I will try to do this thing, and it won't work out to my, or anyone else's, satisfaction".
But "Time flies", "You only go around once"...and other cliches.
So I've done two videos, that I've put on my YouTube channel, then posted on Facebook, and I've had a few friends check them out and make supportive, helpful comments, and it's been fine.
My big "issue" right now is that I'm a man in serious need of an editor, and thus far, I've not had any success in figuring out "editing stuff" (Hence the "fear of technology" part of the equation).
But I'm going to "push forward", because...well, because why not, really?
My hope here, to be totally honest, is that I can push through this initial discomfort, and eventually create something of enough value to "monetize" it somehow (With ads on YouTube, say...though I'm worried I might be on their "No Fly List, because of a previous misunderstanding with Google about advertising on my blog).
Speaking of the late-lamented "Character Man" blog...
That's something else I'm thinking about, something I'm going to try, because "Why not?".
The idea, such as it is, would be to create a blog of some sort, and try to make a donation-y/subscription-y thing.
I feel awkward just writing that, because really, why should people pay to read anything I write (Or pay to watch me "talk about stuff")?
I don't know why. All I know is I need to figure out other ways to make money, and this stuff is the only stuff - other than acting - I seem to have any facility for, and is the only other stuff I seem motivated to actually do.
I certainly don't want to have to work for a living, that's for sure!
So I'm thinking, in Internet terms, of "creating content", and seeing if I can produce content that has any value to anyone.
But that's the coming thing - the thing right now is that I'm dead-tired and I have to do Weight Watchers this evening, so even though I haven't successfully "napped" in some time, I'm going to give it a shot...
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