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12:13 pm - Mon 1/05/04
To A New Year And A New Pocket Journal

To A New Year And A New Pocket Journal

Sun 1/04/04 (11:18 a.m.)

Here's the New Year getting off to a bad start: On Friday, I went out to get my car smog-checked (The last day I could do it–and get my new tags–without being late), and when I got to my car, I saw that my hubcaps had been stolen.

Granted, it could have been worse--the car could have gotten stolen--but I still found it a tad disheartening.

This is the third time something unpleasant has happened to my car out here; previously, something nasty in Spanish was scratched on the roof (Basically, I was "mierda". Or the car was "mierda". Something was "mierda", anyway), and then part of the driver's side back window was broken (Just a small, triangular pane, not the main window; since it wouldn't gain you entry to the car, or even provide access to anything in the car, it seemed a particularly pointless bit of destruction).

Add that to the cracked windshield (And that fact that I wash it about once every six months), and the car I once said was a little "sexier" than the Corsica I'd owned previously (Mostly because of the sporty hubcaps and the "Le Bra" on the front) is now basically "Jim's Mierda-Mobile"..

(Does anyone know if you need hubcaps? This is not something I want to go spend money on if I don't have to.)

But on the flip side, here's the New Year getting off to a good start: Also on Friday, I sent out my first headshot of the year.

Here's what happened--Shortly before Xmas, Brad Lemack came into the store (Brad is a personal manager, and author of The Business of Acting). He'd done a book signing at the store awhile back (He'd also given me advice on formatting my resume), so he recognized me, and we talked for a bit.

I was happy to be able to tell him that I'd some success since he saw me last, but I was frustrated over still not having a theatrical agent.

I was hoping, by bringing it up, that he would say "Why Jim, you should call my old buddy So-And-So. He'd love to represent a gifted character actor like yourself".

And sure enough, he suggested I send something out to Michael Zanuck, an agent he knows.

It took some time to get a cover letter together–I never know how to start these things(The fact that I'm sending an agent a headshot seems to make it obvious that I'm an actor looking for an agent, so what's my "opening"?)–but I managed to work something up, making sure I mentioned both the gigs I'd booked this year and who referred me to him, and sent it out.

And I guess we'll see what happens (Wish me luck--It would be huge for me to get a theatrical agent. I have faith that with an agent, I'd book a tv or movie job within the year).

The other good thing was that I called Mitchell Teller about getting a copy of the "Godzilla" spec.

He emailed me back, telling me the guy who's doing graphics for the commercial is on location somewhere. And since "graphics guy" is helping him out as a favor, he has to wait for him to be available again.

Anyway, he told me to email him back in two weeks.

I'm hoping this is not the beginning of a big run-around (I don't think it is), because I want to be able to put together a reel this year; a reel is not the be-all and end-all--You still have to get people to actually look at it--but it's another tool I'd like to have at my disposal.


One thing I did at year's end-- something inconsequential, really, but that felt good nevertheless--was to replace my address book and "pocket journal". It was long overdue--I was using a tiny address book that had been a prop in Wait Until Dark (A play I'd done years ago), and for a pocket journal, a kid's "page a day" journal that was falling apart--and when they both got water-damaged by my rainy walk to John O's party on Xmas day, the time seemed right for a change.

So here are the first jottings from the brand-spankin' new "pocket journal":


There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: Not going all the way, and not starting.


The great essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.

-Joseph Addison 1672-1719 (English essayist)

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.


If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time.

-Edith Wharton

If you want to understand the meaningof happiness, you must see it as a reward and not a goal.

-Antoine de Saint-Expurey 1900-1944


Am I growing...or just growing tired?

I still feel pangs of regret at the Mandy business.

Being "informed" versus being "blissfully ignorant". Which is for me?
There are limits on what I can do, what I can have, in "the real world". But there's no reason my "inner world" has to be so constrained. So why is it?
Of the two major problems I have at Borders, one will never change (The low pay), and one has little to do with Borders (The fact that I often poop out well before the day ends, and start wanting to just die. Which would probably be the case at any job I had...or at least any low-paying, dull job I didn't really want to be doing in the first place).
I've been resistant to exploring the issue of "motivation" in D-land, A. For fear it would devolve into "Why am I so fucking lazy?" Jim-bashing, or else, B. A pointless cheerleading session that would have zero results. But I do need to think about "motivation"--Not to berate myself, not to pump myself full of hot air, but to genuinely work to figure out how to make my life better.
I have been feeling this more than ever lately--I want a woman. For a delightful change-of-pace, I'd like to handle a body other than my own.

Taped the Michael Jackson thing on CBS (It was on in place of Joan of Arcadia). It made me sad--I felt like I was watching a requiem; One of those specials that air after someone dies.

Well, I think that's about it (I also commented on Angels in America, the HBO epic that blew me away. But that's really an entry in itself, so I'm going to save it for next time).

For some reason, I'm starting off the year feeling pretty hopeful, stolen hubcaps aside. I'm feeling like things are going to get better, that my breaks are going to come, that I can do what it is I want to do out here.

It'll be interesting to see what happens...


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