9:30 am - 06.07.2012
There's No Playbook For This

I've tried to write in here a couple times since my last entry, and haven't been happy with my efforts...but I think writing something is better than writing nothing-at-all, so here goes "something"...

The news on the acting front continues to be "there is no news", at least in terms of my booking anything.

Friday I had another audition for a low-budget movie (Wrong Cops) that I wasn't very excited about going in (Cause as I told Cary last night, it read like it was written by someone who speaks English as a second language).

I'm assuming I didn't book it, cause I think I would've heard by now (The casting director seemed to like me, which many actors will superstitiously tell you is the "kiss of death" - Every actor out here can tell you about the time a casting director raved over their audition, and they ended up not even getting a callback).

Frankly, I'm feeling discouraged about my prospects for ever booking a movie...let alone a really good movie.

I've had a handful of auditions for big-budget movies over the years, all for things I'd be kind of embarrassed to have on my resume - Leatherheads, National Treasure II, Little Fockers, etc.

But the majority have been low-budget affairs like Wrong Cops, where, going in, it's really hard to see an "upside" - It's badly written, it's not going to be much of a payday (Especially not when you add missing work and having to pay agent and manager commissions), and it's hard to imagine anyone's going to see it and go "Yeah, that guy who had three lines at the start of the movie - He's the one we want for our big-budget prestige project!".

Right now, it's hard not to think, "If this is the best I can manage in film, then bring on the tv roles...!".

Today I was supposed to have a commercial audition for FedEX at Kathy Knowles (The commercial casting office in Santa Monica that brings me in more than all other agencies combined).

I got the text as I was getting off the Metro in North Hollywood, meeting up with my friend Cary for dinner, so the first order of business was to scramble to find someone to fill in for me at tonight's WW meeting (Which I did, after four or five calls).

At dinner, I was talking to Cary about the audition; at one point, I told him I was "a little concerned", because I'd done a FedEx spot back in 2009, and sometimes companies specify that they don't want to see anyone who's been in one of their commercials before.

But my agent had submitted me, and they were bringing me in, so I assumed I was good.

I wasn't - When I got home and looked over the Breakdown more carefully, I saw it in black-and-white - "No Actors Who've Done A FedEX Spot Within The Past Six Years".

So I called my agent at home to let him know, and he said he'd communicate with Casting.

(Was going to call my sub at WW and let her know I didn't need her after all, then imagined Casting saying the Director had specifically asked for me or what-have-you - It's happened on a few occasions - and having to go through finding a fill all over again, this time on even shorter notice. So I've got her "on hold" for now, waiting till I get confirmation from my agent whether they do or don't want me at the audition).

(Suddenly feel like I'm devoting a lot of time to this rather pedestrian state-of-affairs, but what can I do? It's what's happening right now.)

(And this just in - My Agent emailed, and I'm "cleared" for the afternoon. Fuck.)

I told Cary last night, it would be nice to book (and shoot) a commercial before I leave for West Virginia next month - It's hard for me to leave LA and not feel a lot of angst while I'm gone about "all the auditions I'm missing...", and having a commercial "in the hopper" would do a lot to blunt that angst.

But at this point, that would involve a seriously quick "turn-around time" (Though it could happen - audition next week, callback the week after, and the shoot later that same week, or the following).

Anyway...

Really enjoyed "My Dinner With Cary" last night (We ate at the Granville Cafe in Noho).

I know I've sang his praises on any number of occasions for all the help he's given me out here, but beyond the financial assists and the hospital transports and whatnot, he's just a really good guy I enjoy talking to.

And I was reminded of that last night.

I don't want to imply that I'm that smart - As time goes by, I'm less-and-less impressed with myself on that front - but I would say I have a certain "intellectual capacity" that doesn't get much play in my day-to-day life.

The only person I feel I actually "converse" with on a regular basis - as opposed to "exchanging small talk" with - is Howard, when we have coffee after whatever movie we've seen.

So while it wasn't like we spent the evening discussing "string theory" or what-have-you, I really enjoyed being able to actually talk with Cary last night.

(Thanks Cary - I know you're a busy guy with a lot on your plate at any given time, so I appreciate you making the time in your schedule for me.)

(Getting worried - Linda B., the woman I asked to sub for me at WW this evening hasn't gotten back to me, so I don't know if she's gotten my message saying I don't need her after all. Anyway...)

I'm feeling an odd connection between my procrastinating on working on my lines when I have a big scene, and how slowly I've been getting things together for next month's trip to West Virginia.

In both cases, it's an important thing you'd think I'd want to "get all my ducks in a row" for asap, but I end up "dragging my feet" instead.

But however slowly, I am starting to "make arrangements" - I have three of the five days I need covered at WW covered, and today I notified my "team" (My two Agents and my Manager) that I'm "booking out" that week.

Beyond that, there's not that much more to do - Get the other two days covered, decide on transport (Drive myself there, do the Union Station airport shuttle, or call a service to drive me there directly), buy a couple of "Hollywood" t-shirts for Aaron and Trevor (My nephews), and decide what to pack - but I can't help but wonder if the slow pace of my preparations is designed to give me something else to worry about rather than the thing itself.

I don't feel as if I'm that worried about "the thing itself"...at least not in a "worrying about what's going to happen when I meet my mother" sense.

I'm more worried about practical things like "managing my weight/eating away from the safety/familiarity of my home environment" and "being entertained - and being entertaining - with relative strangers (Pun kind of intended) for the better part of a week".

I'm not worried about "meeting" Tony, cause in effect, we've already met (And I'm sure I'll get on fine with the wife and kids).

As for my Mother - who I have still not communicated with directly - I guess if I tried I could "make up" scenarios of what might happen when I meet her, but it feels like it would be just that - "making stuff up".

I have a hard time imagining either one of us is going to "flip out", but beyond that, I'm guessing it'll be a matter of working things out "on the fly" - Cause this doesn't seem like the kind of thing there's a hard-and-fast "playbook" for.

The big watchword, for me, is to "be open and understanding" - Of both of us.

I think if I keep that in mind, and try to focus on just having an "interesting experience" - cause however this plays out, it will be "interesting" - we'll be fine.

And on that note, I'm going to try and take a nap...

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