10:36 pm - Weds 7.27.2011
\"The Phenomenon\"

For a long time, I've been very frustrated by a certain phenomenon - Whenever some extra money comes in (When I book an acting job, for example), an unexpected, major bill immediately pops up, absorbing that "extra money", often before I've even received the check.

I've told myself this isn't a real "phenomenon" - it's just "selective memory" (I remember all the times that's happened, and forget the many times it hasn't) - but it's hard to shake the feeling that "I can never get ahead", that, as "Rosanne Rosannadanna" once said, "It's always something".

As I mentioned in my last entry, my tv died recently (Just clicked off in the middle of my watching it, as if a ghost had decided, "I don't like this show...").

And I was bummed, particularly in light of the aforementioned "phenomenon" ("Of course", I thought, "I just book a gig, and now I have to shell out who knows how much for a new tv...!").

But happily this time out, things "went another way", from "It's always something" to "Things work out".

I put an update on Facebook about my sad situation ("TV just shut off, in mid-viewing. I am...concerned"), and a short time later, BJ (A friend from ArcLight days) responded to my update, saying he had a spare tv I could have, if I so desired.

And I did.

Things work out.

People are kinder and more generous perhaps than I give them credit for.

And a thought to hopefully make me less alone and afraid - when I am in need, whether it's a spare tv or something more substantial, there is perhaps more help "out there" than I realize.

I now have a cold sore.

While one never wants a cold sore, this breakout seems like tremendously bad timing, with an audition tomorrow (For a co-star role on Happy Endings), and the Shameless shoot on Monday.

But what can you do?

It was bound to happen; my sleep has gone from "bad" to "worse" to "I can no longer stay sleep long enough for even a one-hour nap", and any time I'm this tired for this long, the herpes virus "comes out to play", lysine tablets or not.

Just have to tell myself that, if it screws up "Happy Endings", I won't be happy (No pun intended), but "it wasn't meant to happen anyway" (And in terms of Shameless? Well, "that's why makeup people earn the big money").

To be more precise, I'm in an odd place regarding preparing for Shameless.

On the one hand, I've felt I've been a surprisingly lax, especially considering what's at stake here - This is my second guest-star credit, my first recurring, my first time opposite a real "heavy hitter", and I want, and need, to do well (I want everyone involved to want me to come back aqain...and again, and again!).

On the other hand, I've developed concerns about "over-preparing", getting too "locked-in" to what I think I'm going to do on "the big day".

But I think I've worked out what the conflict is here - I've fallen into a terrible habit of "rehearsing" my lines while I'm in the process of "memorizing" them, which I really don't think does me any favors (Either in memorization, or in deciding what my "take" on the character is).

Some time back, I read in an acting book that you shouldn't memorize your lines with any inflection, because you were basically training yourself to do the lines the way you memorized them, instead of responding "in the moment" to what's happening in the scene, with the other actor.

But I haven't shaken the habit, and I think this time out, I was feeling that conflict, between really needing to know the lines inside and out, and not wanting to go in on Monday like an acting automaton.

But at this point, I have the lines down (Enough so that going over them a couple times each day feels sufficient), so I can divorce the memorization from thinking about the character, the dynamic of the scene, etc.

Long story short, when Monday comes?

I'll be ready.

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