1:09 pm - Thurs 3.24.2011
Occurring and Recurring

Didn't mean to let this much time go by between entries (For what's it worth to anyone still reading along).

(Tried to write a couple times, actually, but got so bored reading it over I didn't want to inflict that boredom on anyone else.)

Anyway...

In spite of being down, and feeling like "nothing's happening" with acting, I have to acknowledge reality - This has been my busiest month for auditions so far this year (Going on my seventh audition tomorrow - for another crack at Kickin' It, a Disney XD show I auditioned for the first time a couple weeks ago).

Part of my general downward trend is because I didn't book Rizzoli & Isles, the TNT show I went in for last Wednesday.

I've never seen the show - beyond some episode recaps on Hulu - and it's not a particularly sexy credit (Like Mad Men, say, or Justified, which is a show I'd love to get called-in for).

"So beyond needing to make money, what's the big deal", you ask?

Well, Rhetorical Reader, "the big deal" was that it was a "Possible Recurring"...and I very much wish to start "recurring" on shows.

There are a couple things I've done where I could theoretically recur - Parks & Recreation and Shameless come to mind - but it would be nice to have an audition for something intended to recur, to book it, then to actually recur on the show.

That would feel like clear career progress, and I'm way-past-eager for signs of "clear career progress".

Cause I've been wrestling with "bad thoughts" lately (More so than usual, I mean), one of the baddest being, "What if this is as far as I'm gonna go?".

What if?

Was waiting to hear from my new fellow-foster-care survivor, as to whether I could "publish" our correspondence in here.

I heard back from her, and she told me I could, but that she would like to remain anonymous.

I'm still figuring out what I want to say - When I tried last night, I quoted one of her emails at length, but had a hard time explaining how it made me feel.

(And our correspondence made me want to go back to my case-file, for a second look, and similarly, I seemed to have a hard time explaining how that made me feel - Though I think it's interesting that, even though it's the same case-file I've read once already, I came away from my second reading with a somewhat different interpretation of events.)

...but right now, my ass is dragging, so I want to try and catch a nap before work.

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