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11:18 pm - Fri 10.08.2010
So It Goes

So It Goes


As I made clear in my last entry, I thought I'd done terribly with the big commercial audition on Wednesday.

But apparently, I didn't do as terribly as I thought, because sometime mid-afternoon-ish yesterday, I received an email notice that I had a callback (Followed shortly by a call from JS, double-checking that I got the email, and didn't have any conflicts for next week, when the five commercials are shooting).

Now, I'd love if this entry involved my telling you I rocked the callback, booked the gig, and was spending my down time fantasizing about what to do with all my commercial riches.

But things took a different turn.

I had, maybe, an hour of being surprised and happy about being "wrong" about the initial audition, when I got another call from JS, as I was riding my bike to my regular Thursday night WW meeting.

I couldn't get to my phone in time, so the call went to voice-mail, which said, basically, "Never mind about the callback".

To my memory, this has never happened before - I've had auditions canceled (Cause the role had been cut out or re-written, or the project scrapped altogether), but I don't think I've ever had someone call "take-backs" on a callback.

(Long story short - The casting director liked me, but the client, who was apparently being a lot more "hands-on" than normal, did not.)

(Sat 10.9.10)

To continue...

The casting director was very unhappy with the turn of events and assured JS the office was a big fan of my work.

Which is true - I've been to that office any number of times. It's where I booked the commercial - but right now, it doesn't ease the pain that much.

And this has been painful - this was a huge opportunity (Certainly financially, and maybe in terms of my career as well, since there's going to be a lot of PR around this ad campaign) - but the silver-ish lining is that, being this upset about losing out this time shows how well-adjusted I am, in general, to what I do out here.

I get rejected on things dozens of times a year, year after year after year, but it rarely hits me this hard.

Thank God.

And speaking of "rejections"...

(2:06 pm)

I honestly don't know if I'm more or less bummed about Shelley passing on a second outing than I am about my recent "adventures in the commercial trade".

On the one hand, a woman not being interested in me isn't exactly a shocking turn-of-events (It would be way more shocking if things had actually worked out).

But on the other hand, I've booked commercials before, so it's not unreasonable to assume I'll book more in the future.

While in terms of sex and romance...Well, my last relationship ended in May of 91; the last time I had sex was in November of '93.

The more time passes, the less likely it seems that anything's going to change on that front.

While I am probably a better actor than I was in 91 (Probably), I haven't gotten younger and more attractive in the intervening years, I don't think you get better at lovemaking through years of not making love, and my career/money making prospects, as an almost 50 year old bit-player in Hollywood, are...well, let's be generous and say there's a big "question mark" there.

I'd like to say I've "grown as a person" and am thus a better potential romantic partner than I was "back in the day".

But in all honesty, not only do I doubt that to be the case, I'm almost certain it isn't - Why would I be better able to deal with a relationship now after almost 20 years of being alone?

As an actor, I've got something that people want (Sometimes, at least in my present day-player role; whether anyone wants, or will ever want, something more than the day player stuff they're currently getting is...well, let's say it's "open to question").

As a person, I don't seem to have anything women want on a more-than-casual level.

"But Jim," (says an imaginary reader), "you're smart and funny and a sparkling conversationalist".



As an actor, I don't think my story is over yet.

As someone who wants to love and be loved...well, it's become pretty clear that story ended a long time ago.

So it goes.


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