2:20 pm - Thursday, Sept. 08, 2005
Breaking Into The Emergency Spam

Weds 9/7/05 (7:28 p.m.)

I learned something important about myself today--I can�t make it through a whole can of Spam.

Before this afternoon, I�d assumed I could.

I don�t eat Spam, as a rule, but a young couple moved out of the building recently, leaving in the �giveaway area� a box of non-perishable food items, and amongst said items was a tin of Spam.

I was going to save it for an emergency�like being trapped in my apartment during an earthquake or riot (Newspaper Headline: �L.A. Man Survives For Three Days On Spam and Diet Coke�)�but found myself running out of food today, and feeling too lazy to go to the store, I broke into my �emergency Spam supply�, eating about three-quarters of the can before I stopped, feeling slightly queasy.

But if you were paying attention, you�ll notice I did not start this entry with �I booked the TBS promo!�.

However...

While I shouldn�t have done it�He doesn�t need me bugging him about this shit--I called J.S. earlier this afternoon, saying I wanted to get a haircut tomorrow, but wanted to check with him first to make sure the �avail� was not still �outstanding� (I sort of assumed it wasn�t).

He emailed me back a short time later, reiterating that the �avail� dates were next Wednesday through Friday (I guess to suggest my negativity was premature), and said I should hold off on the haircut.

So there you are�I still don�t know.

I�d actually already worked out for myself that it was premature to assume I didn�t book the spot: In the weekly newsletter, which he usually sends out early Friday morning, J.S. often follows the list of people who booked jobs that week by saying, �A number of you are on avail for some great spots, and we�ll hope a lot of those turn into bookings...�. So clearly, sometimes when you�re �on avail� for something, it can take a day or two for them to make a decision.

Anyway...

Didn�t do much of anything today, even though I�d told myself yesterday I should go out, so I wouldn�t spend the day obsessing about whether I was going to book this gig, or else being depressed that I didn�t.

I did check L.A. Casting a couple of times, and called Central a couple times as well, for extra work, but there was nothing.

I thought about calling John O., to see if he wanted to wanted to have lunch tomorrow, but I called him a couple of weeks ago and he never returned my call, so screw him (Actually, I�m thinking about emailing him after I finish this).

I read the current �Fall Preview� issue of Entertainment Weekly (Normally, I never buy the magazine, preferring instead the free website, but in light of my need to have a �library� of tv shows, I figured a night-by-night, �hard-copy� rundown of shows and their time-slots would be helpful).

I checked my email throughout the day, even though the only two regular correspondents I have already emailed me, and I actually owe them a return mail (This to me suggests �email addiction�: You check and check your email, then when you get something, you enjoy it for a second, then you�re immediately back to checking, anxious for that little �rush� you get from seeing an email in your box that isn�t junk).

Long story short, it�s been a very slow day...

Thurs 9/8/05 (1:17 p.m..)

Continuing to follow the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina...

I wish I had more money to give, that there was more I could offer.

And I�m frustrated, and downright angry, over the slow government response to the crisis. This wasn�t just a matter of people being �inconvenienced�: People died because help was too long in coming, not because they were blown away by the hurricane or drowned in the flood-waters, but because they were left to fend for themselves for the better part of a week afterwards.

There�s just no way that�s not wrong. There�s no acceptable answer to the question �Why the fuck did it take so long to get these people help?�, no response I can think of that�ll make me think �Oh well, that�s okay then...�

It�s the kind of thing where the more you see and hear, the angrier you get.

My reaction to that news indicates a creeping ambivalence about these workshops�I was disappointed, because I enjoy going to these things, and am hoping they�ll be the key to my �getting in the door� for tv and movie auditions, but at the same time, I found myself thinking �That�s $25 I�ll save this month...�.

They are undoubtedly a great thing for me to be doing right now, and I enjoy doing them. It�s me acting, getting out of the house, getting in front of casting people, and meeting other actors (�It�s all good�, as the young people say).

But the one big �downside� to them?

Money.

I�m spending, on average, $125-150 a month on these things, and that�s money I mostly don�t have, so it�s going on credit card bills I can�t pay down. And hopefully they�ll pay off somewhere down the road, but I have no idea how �far down the road� that payoff�s gonna be.

It would be nice if it came before I join the ranks of the homeless.

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