8:08 PM - Thurs 5.20.21
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(Podcasting earlier today, I wrote a series of notes/"bullet points" that I didn't end up using. Things just "went a different way"'. So I'm going to use them now - "Waste not, want not" and all that...)

Had a happy surprise yesterday, when I picked up my refill of testosterone gel-packs from Rite Aid - While the first prescription had cost me $60-and-change, the refill was only $12.

To my way of thinking, that's a not-insignificant difference. I'm a little vague on the particulars of my situation, but if my low-testosterone level is "just the way it is" now and I'm going to need to supplement my biological supply on a monthly basis, the difference between a $12-a-month bill and a $60-a-month bill could be the difference between being just a little bit happier...and deciding there's more to life than jerking off on a regular basis.

Speaking of "jerking off", I've been watching a lot of Louis CK videos on YouTube lately (Particularly his WTF interviews with Marc Maron - The two men have had a long-term, sometimes problematic, friendship, which made for especially compelling listening).

(If you don't know who Louis CK is, he's a comedian who was one of the top guys in the business until, a couple years ago, it came out he had a habit of asking women - women who were often in his employ or that he had some power over - to watch him jerk off.)

Today, as I listened to him talk to Maron about "Horace and Pete" - A great show he financed himself, then sold to viewers on a per-episode basis on the Internet - I remembered how much I'd enjoyed his work over the years (He's one of the few comics I've paid to see live).

And I was sad all over again that he turned out to be...who he turned out to be.

(And I'm gonna just leave that there.)

There's a question I keep asking myself these days, over and over - If I could cut a deal where I would never have to worry about money for the rest of my life, but things would never get any better than they are now, would I cut that deal?

I'm writing this entry on my new HP Chromebook, purchased with my birthday swag from Mark&Jane and Cary&Kay (With Yours Truly making up the difference as a little "Happy Birthday to me").

I didn't think I was going to "break it out" just yet - I bought it because my current Acer Chromebook (That I bought refurbished for $99 a couple years back) is going to quit getting updates from Google in June - but then I thought, "Why wait?".

So far I'm digging it. And it was very easy to set up.

It's bigger than the old machine - with a !4" screen versus the Acer's 11" - and has touchscreen capabilities (Not really sure what I'll be doing with "touchscreen capabilities" at this point, but it's still fun).

But it's really about continuing to get those software updates (It feels a little weird that this new machine, in effect, comes complete with an expiration date - though I understand there may be "workarounds" when that time comes - but for now? "Woo-Hoo!").

It's been something I've mostly kept to myself over the years, but recently I "came out" as an action figure collector.

So for my birthday, Mike M. bought me a "Kingpin" action figure.

And, in addition to a number of other lovely gifts (Like a very cool desk lamp for my drawing table), Jane R. let me pick out the action figure of my choice off Amazon (I opted for "MODOK", a handsome guy whose name is an acronym for "Mechanized Organism Designed Only For Killing" - Yeah, if you couldn't guess, he's a bad guy).

But as awesome as both figures are (And they really are!), apparently, they didn't completely sate my action figure lust - On Tuesday, after getting my new Chromebook at Target (And checking the toy section only to find little of interest there), I went over to the GameStop across the street, and after grabbing a number of things only to guiltily put them back, I walked out with the John Stewart "Green Lantern" (From the McFarlane "DC Multiverse" series).

Then I came home and ordered a "Bizarro Superman" figure (Also from McFarlane) off Amazon, which arrived late yesterday afternoon.

Add that to a "She-Hulk" I'd pre-ordered from Entertainment Earth that arrived recently, and that's a lot of action figures to add to the collection in a very short time.

And while two of those were gifts, and not just "gifts to myself", it does seem like a good time to put a moratorium, for now, on the action figure purchases.

(Seriously? While it would be insane if it were the number one reason on my list, "Being able to buy as many action figures as I want, whenever I want" is definitely on my Top-10 list of "Reasons I Want To Book Another Series". But for now, "buying action figures" really should be a "special occasion" sort of affair).

(And speaking of "Booking Another Series"...)

Was talking to Jane recently about feeling sad that my life is so "small" (With no WW and no Shameless, my regular "people contact" consists of Jane, My weekly call with Mark and Jane Z., and my trips to the grocery store).

I don't have a "social life" - I have "social media". And expecting social media to fill your need for human contact is like living on candy and soda, then being surprised you feel like shit all the time.

That's one reason it was tough being on Shameless but not feeling like "part of the family" (And, don't get me wrong, no one was mean or unkind to me in any way, ever. That's not what I'm saying. It was just that, as series regulars, the main cast worked with each other for years, bonding as actors and as people. That's not something that's gonna happen when you come in as a recurring, dropping a single-digit number of lines in any given episode - it wasn't till halfway through the run of the show that I started appearing in more than half the episodes in a season).

Which, along with getting to act more and make more money and such, is another big reason I want to book a bigger role on another long-running series - To have my own "TV Family".

I want to be part of why the show works. I want to be liked and appreciated and to like and appreciate the people I'm with.

I want to matter. And I want people who matter to me.

And I know this probably sounds a little dysfunctional, a case of "looking for love in all the wrong places" - a "work family" is not family - but I don't have a family at this point, "work" or otherwise.

And at this point, if I can find a "work family" to tide me over till I can get into the Motion Picture Home (With communal dining and group activities and movie night and what-have-you), I think I'll be good.

Cause otherwise, I don't really know how to make "people" happen.

And on that note, this person is going to wrap it up there.

Till next time...

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