6:04 pm - Tues 8.10.2010
Weaning Myself From The Internet Teat

Been away longer than I would have liked...

Friday, I think it was, my computer died - I thought it was a porn-related virus, cause I was looking at porn when things started to go wrong. But apparently, that was just a coincidence; it was just age-related crankiness (my machine is six or seven years old) - so for the past number of days, I've been limited, Internet-wise, to what I could do on my phone.

(After first going to Geek Squad and not liking what I heard, I ended up at Stan's Tech Garage, that a friend had recommended; it was $25 cheaper than Geek Squad, and I definitely got more for my money. But anyway...)

Before my computer went on the fritz, the big news would have been my switching phone services, from AT&T to MetroPCS (Buying a new phone in the process - Not a "smart phone", but a step up from what I had).

The switch was a money-saving move (I pay, on average, $60 a month with AT&T, a good $20 of which represents me obsessively checking my email hoping for audition notices), but the "unlimited talk, text, and web" with MetroPCS's $40 plan came in handy sooner than expected; instead of being "cut-off" from the Internet these past four days, I was merely "hobbled".

(Come my next big acting success, I am going to buy a "smart phone"; without one, my new "unlimited talk, text, and web" is actually "unlimited talk, text...and the-limited-amount-of--web-my-phone-can-handle".)

Like other times I've been knocked off-line, this experience has left me pondering the nature of my use, and abuse, of the Internet.

Clearly, in this day and age, I can't not have Internet access, and I wouldn't want that - I think the Internet, by and large, is a good thing.

But I would say that nothing but good would come of me limiting my Internet time, treating the Internet more like the tool it is, instead of using it as a drug, dosing my sadness and anxiety with simulated companionship and constant distraction.

I was talking to Cary about this, saying that the best time for me to go "Internet-free" would be the evenings, since there's really no compelling need for me to be online after the business day ends.

So I think I'm going to shoot for that as a goal (And I realize, technically, I'm on "The Internet" now...but this doesn't count; this is a specific thing I want to do, and not me just aimlessly roaming around the Internet, trying to stave off loneliness and boredom).

Part of this comes from my picking up the guitar recently (The more I think about it, the happier I am with that purchase) - That feels like a better use of my time, by and large, than surfing the web for hours on end.

This analogy just popped into my head - When I was overweight, I wasn't happy, and the reason I wasn't happy is that I felt, in my heart-of-hearts, "This isn't me...".

That's where I'm currently at with the Internet - I think the Internet has made me mentally "fat", and in my heart-of-hearts, I think "This isn't me...".

I have right now something a lot of people want - time - but what's the point of having time if you're not going to do anything with it?

There's got to be more than life than the Internet...doesn't there?

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