11:43 AM - Mon 8.31.15
Thanks For The Sex

Well, it doesn't look like anything came of my two auditions last week.

On Facebook, I posted that I thought they were "wins", but didn't know if they would be "immediate" (where I book the job), or "time-released" (where I make enough of an impression to be called back in, to book some future thing).

Sounds like an upbeat view of the situation, doesn't it?

And it's not just bullshit - that sort of thing has actually happened (ex. Shameless) - but today all I'm feeling is "I didn't book anything" disappointment.

That said, the second audition, on Thursday - for a new comedy (On NBC I think) - ended up being more exciting than I'd expected, and I still feel kinda good about that.

When I read (for a two-line co-star), they then asked if I'd read for a different role.

So I was sent back out in the lobby to look it over, and it seemed clear it was a bigger, better role, not just because there were two scenes, but because it seemed to have "recurring" potential.

And when I got home and emailed my agent about what had happened, he confirmed that was the case - The role they'd asked me to read was billed on the Breakdowns as a "recurring guest-star", but it was supposed to have already been cast.

So there's a little bit of mystery there - what's going on with the casting of that role? - but my big takeaway was feeling good that I went from auditioning for a one-off co-star to being looked at for a recurring role (which was particularly nice since I'd been feeling depressed over still auditioning for the same nothing co-star parts I was auditioning for a decade ago).

There was less drama around the Agent Carter audition - I read, they gave me a re-direct, I read again, and I left - but I did have a positive "takeaway" from that audition as well, which was basically "I still have a shot at being (at least a small) part of "The Marvel Universe", since I felt things had gone well enough that they'll bring me back in again sometime.

(I may be a middle-aged man, but "my inner child" thinks being in a Marvel tv show or movie would be pretty cool.)

But all that said, at the moment, I haven't booked anything new theatrically (for the uninitiated, "theatrically" in this case means in tv or movies) so far this year.

And there's only a quarter-of-a-year left.

Haven't heard anything about my next Shameless episode, beyond the fact that I'm doing it (The way things work is I get word from my agent that production called, asking about my availability for a given week. Then when I confirm I'm available, my agent tells production, the gig is confirmed, and I get sent a script when it's ready, and a shoot date and call time when they know what's what).

As I've said before, while I want/need more work, I'm still enthused about Shameless, so it's fun to anticipate what I'll be doing in the next episode (And I'm especially curious this time out, because my friend Mike M. is not in the episode - that doesn't necessarily mean it's a scene outside the bar, but it makes it somewhat more likely. And if it is a scene outside the bar, it's likely to be a scene with Macy, which is always cool).

And beyond the acting, it's nice to be in a position where I know a check is coming (for the second episode), and at least one more is in the future.

In addition to the Shameless money, there's other money kind of "out there in the ether" - I've never gotten anything but the shoot fee for the Exxon spot (Which is "Internet" and "New Media"), and I imagine the usage money will be, when the time comes, at least a couple thousand.

And there's the claim I filed for the credit union commercial (Where they linked to the spot on their website, without paying for the usage) - Since they paid the first actor who filed, I can't imagine they're gonna say, "Okay, we paid her, but you get nothing". I just don't know how long these things take to get resolved, or how much money will ultimately be involved (Tina, the actress who filed the initial claim, contends they owe more than they paid her - because they "fudged" the start date of the usage, not to mention SAG is supposed to impose late fees in a situation like this).

So there's money coming in, and money generally "out there", which means, at the moment, I'm not in imminent financial peril.

Which is nice.

(I keep wanting to know "I'm gonna be okay", but that just may not be in the cards - "I'm okay at the moment" may be be good-as-it's-gonna-get.)

In non-acting news, on Friday I had a follow-up with my Doctor regarding my sleep study.

Surprise of surprises, I have Sleep Apnea, just like has been diagnosed every single time I've had a sleep study done (Apparently, there will be no "miraculous healing" for this atheist).

It's in the "Mild-to-Moderate" range (I was "waking up" six to twelve times an hour), which means I'm not a candidate for the implanted device I was kind of enthused about - apparently, they want you to have a serious issue before they recommend surgery.

(Go figure.)

So "the wheels are in motion" for me to get a CPAP machine.

In the past, whatever the practical issues in dealing with CPAP - getting congested over night, sinus infections, mask leakage, etc - I think my biggest "issue" was that I just didn't want to do it. And that being the case, every practical obstacle was a reason/excuse for me to give up on it, instead of "pushing through" and figuring things out.

I used to make a lot of jokes about "needing an iron lung just to sleep", or the creepiness of having sex with a woman for the first time, then putting the mask on before bed (And sounding like Darth Vader, or Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet).

But now I don't give a fuck if I "need an iron lunch just to sleep".

And the joke about slipping on the CPAP mask after sex? Well, the "joke" now is less about the CPAP, and more the idea I'm ever going to have sex with a woman again.

In other words, I'm ready to "get over myself" and just do it (As I've been writing, the CPAP company called, to let me know they received the prescription from my Doctor, so they'll contact my insurance to find out what it covers, then get back to me).

And who knows?

Maybe the CPAP gives me the extra energy and joie de vivre I need to improve my situation, and as a result, I find some woman who will want to have sex with me, Darth Vader impressions aside.

That would be...nice.

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