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8:42 pm - Sun 4.10.2011
The Choice

The Choice

Was just looking at an old journal (circa 1986-1987)...

It's interesting to browse through my old journals from time to time (The one I was looking at tonight was written from 8/86 to 4/87).

The first thing I always notice is that my writing has improved, stylistically, by leaps and bounds (Which isn't too shocking - It'd be more shocking if I'd been doing this for over 30 years and hadn't gotten any better at it).

And it's pretty fascinating to read about events that were deadly serious at the time that I can barely remember now (And people who were important enough to make it into my journal who I don't remember at all).

But it can be a little depressing to read entries that are decades old, and realize you're still hashing over the same "issues" all these years later.

I lose sight almost constantly of the fact that I am ultimately in charge of my own happiness or unhappiness....I have to keep telling myself that until I fully accept it and learn to act upon it.

I may "let myself down". I may be depressed and disappointed a lot of the time, but I have to hold onto hope. I can make a choice to be more content, more peaceful. I can choose to be happy.

25 years later, I'm still fighting to make that choice.

Ironically enough, I'm not happy about that...


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