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2:48 pm - Sun 2/17/08 Good weigh-in today: I lost 2.6 lbs this week, which brings me to 231.4 lbs, and a "to date" weight loss of 37 lbs. I was very pleased; it's been weeks since I've felt significant "forward momentum" on the weight-loss front, so that was nice right there. But beyond that, today's weigh-in puts me past the halfway mark, with 36 lbs to go to meet my "target" of 195. (I'm so bad at math that after my weigh-in, I actually thought, "My next goal should be hitting the halfway mark...", before realizing I already had.) I've sometimes struggled, after less-than-stellar weigh-ins, with being angry or upset with myself, like I "did something wrong" that caused me not to lose weight in a given week. But I think it's really started to sink in - My weight loss is just going to vary from week to week (Or actually be a weight gain every so often), and it doesn't necessarily mean I'm doing anything wrong. I'm discovering, to a certain extent, that my body has a will of it's own. But my will is stronger. And if I keep things up - and I plan to - my body is going to fall in line. It's already started. I've been enjoying the actual meetings more lately. The food-themed meetings bore me, more often than not. But happily, the majority of meetings aren't really about "food", per se, because as Lynn said today, "food is not the problem"; they're more often about the psychology of overeating and weight-loss and what-not, how to deal with various challenges you'll face along the way, how to keep yourself motivated, that sort of thing. I've always been a psychology/self-help fan, so that stuff's interesting to me, and often seems to have practical applications beyond just losing weight. And I'm developing a comfort level I don't always have in public, where I can either talk - if I have something to say - or just shut up and let other people have the floor (In the past, I've sometimes felt uncomfortable at either end of that spectrum, I think because, in retrospect, I was letting my anxiety determine what I was doing, whether it was running off at the mouth, or disappearing into the woodwork, instead of just responding naturally to the situation). Every so often, it hits me - "I'm actually going to do this...". Then I have to correct myself - I'm not "going to" do this. I'm doing it. "Yay!" me.
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