9:55 am - Weds 4.30.2008
I know it's not the end of the world for you if I don't journal about my Weight Watchers meetings, but this little "break in the action" has left me concerned. Because it's a slippery slope - from not journaling about WW for a week or two, to starting to skip meetings, to wondering how I let myself "pull the ripcord" again after investing so much time and money in losing weight.
Not much has happened for the past couple weeks.
A month ago, I lost 3.8 lbs, my best weekly result in quite some time.
The following week I gained 1.6 lbs.
And in the past two weeks, I've lost .8 lbs (a "loss" explained by my leaving the house that day without my belt), then gained .2 lbs (As I've said before, if I'm not excited about losing less than a pound, I can't turn around and be bummed about gaining less than a pound. At least that's what I'm telling myself).
So I'm currently at 221.8 lbs.
The goal, which is starting to feel like the textbook definition of "so near, and yet so far", is 195 lbs.
It's frustrating, because I want to meet my goal (In part, because I want to quit having to pay), and now, because I want to be eligible to work at WW (And you have to be a "Lifetime Member" before you can do that).
My lackluster results over the past three weeks are, in my mind, a testament to how forgiving the program is, because I've definitely been slipping lately.
I really wish I hadn't screwed up, and had properly adjusted my points along the way. I think it would have been easier for me to gradually reduce my daily points, because jumping from 40 pts a day to 36 has been very tough; it's been the difference between feeling like I was "getting away with something", and feeling like I'm dieting ("Diet" is a dirty word in Weight Watchers, as in "Weight Watchers is not a 'diet', it's a 'lifestyle change'").
I think I feel like I'm in worse shape than I really am, but I also think it's appropriate to at least be concerned about some of my behaviors in the past couple weeks.
I really need to keep my water consumption up (I'm doing very well this week); I can't have days where I'm having a glass or two of water in a day, when I should be having six (I wouldn't be surprised if that made a difference all by itself).
I need to make sure there's always good food in the house - the WW "treats" are supposed to be "treats"; you're not supposed to make meals of them because you're too lazy to get to the grocery store to buy actual food.
But I think the most important thing I have to get control over is this -- I'm starting to get up at night and eat.
I get to the end of the day, I've used all my points, then I go to bed, sleep for a couple hours, then get up and have a sandwich, or some WW chips, or what-have-you.
I note it - either using "weekly points", or taking it from the next day's points - but I still think it's a big problem; getting up in the middle of the night and eating without thinking is, in the context of losing weight and keeping it off, officially a "bad habit".
It's what fat people do.
Beyond all that, I just have to "tighten things up"; get better about working the program in general, get regular exercise back into the equation (I went to 24 Hour for the first time in a couple weeks yesterday), and just remind myself that I really want the outcome I'm going for here (To look better, to feel better, and to be healthier).
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