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6:17 pm - Sun 11.02.2008 Three weeks of "maintenance" down, three to go. A good weigh-in this week (193.2 lbs, 1.8 lbs down from last week), meaning I've passed 75 lbs lost altogether - which was nice, since I'd gained slightly over the previous two weeks. (195 lbs is my WW "goal weight", but I'm looking to get down to 190 lbs; you're only allowed 2 lbs over your goal, whether as a "Lifetime Member" or WW employee, and I want more leeway than that.) Clearly I've done well under WW, and am still doing well. But be that as it may, I'm still wrestling with "eating issues". Before WW, my biggest problem wasn't, I don't think, that I ate a lot of "junk" - I was actually eating a lot less than I used to - but that I ate all the time. Now I control that impulse (Thanks to the limits placed on me by the Points system)...but the impulse is definitely still there. I somehow thought that would change over time, that someday I wouldn't have the urge to eat every time I felt sad or lonely or bored or what-have-you, and I'm disappointed that it hasn't changed. But maybe it's like alcoholism - You have to acknowledge that you have a "problem", and that you'll always have a problem...but also acknowledge that you're in charge, that you're more than just a bad habit/"addiction", and you can deal with it, instead of letting it run roughshod over you. That's always been a thing with me - it kind of doesn't matter when I overcome bad impulses; I basically want to not have the "bad impulses" in the first place. Basically, I want to not be human. But seeing as how I don't have the choice of not being human, I'll have to settle for making good decisions when a part of me wants to do the wrong thing. And take pride in the fact that I'm running the show, not my self-destructive impulses
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