11:14 PM - Tues 10.27.15
I am off to Virginia this weekend.
Got a message from my brother Gregg earlier today, and when we connected on the phone a few hours later, he said - after very little preamble, "Why don't you come visit this weekend?".
And his question/invitation/offer-I-couldn't-refuse (He went from that, to immediately checking on airfares online) made me realize something:
I am not a spontaneous guy.
I felt myself physically clench-up from stress at the very idea, before I could even articulate why it was a problem.
But the impetus to go now-rather-than-later is pretty compelling - He's starting chemo on Monday (Now that I'm visiting, he's going to schedule it for Monday afternoon, so he can drop me at the airport in the morning), and he's doesn't know what kind of shape he's going to be in after that.
It was something, if I'm honest, that I'd thought about as well - visiting him when he's still relatively healthy, versus coming to him when he's sick - I just hadn't worked-through how quickly we might get to "sick".
Like with "making arrangements" if things go badly, this is Gregg "hoping for the best, but planning for the worst" (Me, on the other hand? I would have dithered forever, and it would either have ended up not happening, which I would always regret - however things go - or happening at a time that would make things harder for everyone involved).
Weds 10/28/15 (8:10 am)
Well, I've booked out with my various agents and managers, gotten subs for my WW shifts, and talked to my neighbor-across-the-hall about checking in on my cats.
The only things that remain, I think, are setting up the Shuttle to the airport, getting some snacks for the trip, and packing (I'm only there for three nights, but I want to make sure I can do anything I might want/need to do from my remote location. Also, even though it hasn't seemed to do much for me so far, I should take my CPAP along).
As is always the case, I'm nervous at the idea of a trip - getting where I need to go, figuring out the various things I need to figure out, etc - and more to the point, nervous about meeting Gregg and his family.
But I've gotten to and from places before and figured out what I've needed to figure out.
And while I don't know that me and Gregg have a whole lot in common, I think it'll be interesting to finally meet in person - we've talked enough now that I think we clearly like each other, so I don't imagine we'll meet and suddenly discover the other guy's actually an asshole, or anything like that.
(I definitely don't expect to butt heads like I have with Tony at various times - Gregg seems less temperamental and opinionated than either of us.)
Really, the sheer novelty of the situation will be exciting and fun - I think this is only the second time for either of us when it comes to "meeting a brother you didn't know you had" (My late brother Kelly lived with him for a time when he was young, and on my end, there's the previously mentioned Tony, who I met...three years ago now?).
And it's pretty rare that I "get out of town", so it'll be nice just to see a new place, and spend a couple days not obsessing over myself and my acting career.
(But speaking of "my acting career"...)
Doing a re-shoot for Shameless later today (Having to redo a scene in episode 7, because the actress playing Frank's love-interest - an old flame who's come back into his life - who was supposed to be on the show for a five-episode are, didn't have her shit together and got fired).
In addition, I'm on for episode 10, which will shoot a couple weeks from now (sometime from Nov 10-18th).
That's notable, because it means season 6, with two episodes left to shoot (After episode 10), is now tied (with season 4) for "most episodes I've shot in a season".
(And that Season 4 stat has an asterisk after it, in my mind - In one of those episodes, I was just "slotted in" after some anonymous day-player fell through.)
Counting episodes might be "shallow" of me, but in pragmatic terms - I'm talking m-o-n-e-y - the more episodes the better.
But beyond the financial considerations, it's just nice to feel like, even if it's a really small part, I clearly "provide something" to the show.
If I'm not going to be the star, or at least an important part of the piece, it's still nice to know I have some "utility" out here.
Not much other "show biz news" to report...
Still grieving over the Stitchers thing not happening - I rarely get an audition out here for something I'd have been excited about back in my community theater days (I think about that a lot - How my career consists of auditions, and occasionally bookings, for roles I would have turned-down without a second thought back in Lansing).
And I'm realizing - or at least "feeling like" - my "team" doesn't really give a shit about what is or isn't happening with my career (Or at least, don't really see my career as something that can be "worked on" or "developed" at this point).
It doesn't feel good to think that (Kind of breaks my heart, actually), but really, it's probably just "the way of things" - I'm an older, very "character-y" character actor, so I think they're basically about collecting the Shameless checks, and whatever else does or doesn't happen is just "the luck of the draw".
So if anyone's going to try and make more happen, it'll be me.
And I made a little move in that direction yesterday, when, disappointed as I was by not getting the Stitchers role, I emailed the CD and thanked him for bringing me in.
Didn't express any disappointment, or even hint/joke about him calling me back in - Just said thanks, and that "it was the most fun I've had in an audition room in some time", or words to that effect (I was happy with it - Didn't feel like "sucking up", didn't take up much of his time or present myself as "needy". Just "Thanks - It was fun!" and out).
Something else I've been thinking I need to do is to write and thank John Wells (The producer/creator of Shameless.
I've expressed my gratitude to John Levey, the CD, a number of times, but never to John Wells.
And beyond just being polite, making him aware of my gratitude is just smart - I doubt he's planning to retire after Shameless, and he has a good reputation for bringing actors back for new projects (In addition to Shameless, I also had a nice bit on an episode of Southland).
So, maybe it's good to realize I'm the only one who's really invested in my career. Maybe it'll get me to actually take action more.
But it's gotten late, relatively speaking, and the "action" I have to take right now is to get to the studio.
(It's kind of nice, lately, to feel like every time I write in here, there's more to write about than I have time for...)
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