1:05 am - 10.20.2009
Sat 10/17/08 (11:46 pm)
The "Holy Trinity" of my adult life.
It just occurred to me that between this - hanging around my apartment, not knowing what to do with myself - and doing what I'd rather be doing...I don't really know what I'd rather be doing.
Which seems a little sad.
So here we are.
But anyway, you're no doubt wondering what's going on with me (Beyond being tired, bored, and lonely).
Well, I'm back in therapy, but not with Javier, my therapist for the past couple years.
His supervisor pushed him to cut his old clients loose, to make way for exciting new clients, so now I’m with Bette (Apparently, it doesn’t matter that I’m not new to the center, just that I’m not new to Javier. But I am new to Bette, who answers to a different supervisor than Javier. Anyway...).
I was not very happy about this development initially, not even a little bit, but I met with Bette for the first time this past Wednesday, and she seems alright.
And she seems to think I'm pretty cool as well, which is nice (I think it's always a plus when your therapist seems to like you. And as people have told me before, I’m a pretty charming guy).
And she's pretty, which doesn't hurt (Not that I'm planning to score with my therapist, mind you - I don't think she liked me that much - I'm just saying it might be nice to relate to a smart, attractive woman for at least one hour a week.)
At this point, I'm past hoping to be "fixed", and it seems especially unlikely to happen in the brief time we’ve been allotted (We've got 20 weeks); this just gets me out of the house, gives me someplace to "let off steam", and hopefully, allows me to glean a little insight into myself in the process.
(Though after a lifetime of therapy, self-help books, and journal-writing, how much more "insight into myself" can be left to “glean”?)
I've really got to stop witnessing shit (Legal question - Is it a crime to “Witness and Run”? I’m just curious).
Had a little adventure I'd rather not have had Thursday evening.
After my usual WW meeting in West LA, instead of biking home to watch "my stories", like I usually do, I was going to Culver City, for a little stand-up class reunion (At a bar called Rush Street in Culver City).
Anyway, I was riding east on Washington Blvd, on the left hand sidewalk, and right as I was coming up on the intersection of Washington and Motor, about to cross, there was an accident (The car going east, which was about to turn onto Motor, was hit by the car coming the other way).
My first thought, honestly, was "Oh shit! Now I'm gonna have to do something...".
I reached for my phone, then saw a number of other bystanders with their cell phones out, so instead, I went to the (formerly) eastbound car, driven by a young Hispanic woman, asking her if she was okay.
She was pretty agitated, as you might imagine
Mon 10/19/09 (7:16 pm)
Where was I...?
The driver of the formerly eastbound car was pretty agitated, as you might imagine, and very eager to exit the vehicle (The airbag had kind of “half-deployed”, and there was airbag-power all over), so I got her key, unlocked the door from the outside, and helped her out of the car.
Happily, she was not actually hurt, just shaken-up (I say “happily”, in part, because if she had been hurt, I would have been “agitated and shaken-up” myself, since I wouldn’t have had a clue what to do next; I’m starting to think, if I’m going to be “Johnny On The Spot” at every other vehicle mishap in Greater LA, I should maybe get some paramedic training or something).
The other driver - a young African-American woman - was okay too (Just similarly shaken-up), so I really could have just left at that juncture, but I stayed till the emergency people got there.
Then I made the mistake of giving “Young Hispanic Woman” my name before I cycled away.
Why “mistake”, you ask?
Because the last time I was a “witness” to anything (A crazy driver careening around my neighborhood, running into a couple of parked cars in the process), I ended up in court for two days, losing two Weight Watchers meetings I could ill-afford to lose, and in the end, they didn’t even need me.
(They wouldn’t need me for this incident either - there was a middle-aged woman on the scene who was eager to let everyone know she’d “seen everything”, along with a number of other bystanders/potential witnesses.)
This episode made me realize, once again, that I absolutely suck as a “witness” - The accident happened literally “right in front of me”, and about all I can really tell you is “one car hit the other car”.
The one thing anyone would want to know from a “witness” in this situation - “What color was the light when the accident happened?” - pretty much jumped out of my head upon impact (I think it was green - Which is why I felt free to cross Motor on my bike, which I was about to do when the accident took place - but I really can’t say for sure. It could have been mauve, for all I know).
The episode also made me realize, once again, that life can change in an instant.
And while I don’t want to over-dramatize things here, it might be fortunate for me that the accident happened when it did, or else the accident that might have happened instead was the eastbound car turning onto Motor and running me over.
And I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have liked that.
Some lower-case “good news”, with a dusting of bittersweet-ness: Jennifer, who is the #1 receptionist for the two Santa Monica WW meetings on Wednesday morning, is about to move (She and her husband are in the process of buying a house in...Riverside?).
This is good news because that means I will become the new #1 receptionist (I’ve been the #2...when the numbers have justified a #2. But being #1 means you work the meeting as long as there is a meeting, or until you move on for some reason, as Jennifer is doing).
The bittersweet part comes because I love Jennifer. She is sweet as can be, and lovely to look at to boot, and I’m bummed that, in all likelihood, I won’t see her anymore (In a world where things go the way I want them to go, they would have found someplace closer to Santa Monica, she’d keep being the #1, and the numbers would pick up enough so that I could the #2, for both meetings, every week...until I book that “Series Regular” role with my name on it).
Well, it’s gotten late...I’m watching the episode of Castle I actually auditioned for some months back (I don’t know that the guy who got it was “better”, but he had a somewhat more “character-y” take on the role - Or as I said on Facebook, a “goofier” take - that apparently was more what the doctor ordered. But anyway...)
I'm feeling like I've spent a lot of time telling you the "facts"...and not really getting "to the heart of the story".
Truth to tell, I feel like that most of the time when I sit down to write in here. It's getting very frustrating.
But I've got nothing on the schedule for tomorrow, so assuming I don't die in my sleep tonite, or California doesn't slide into the ocean, I can give it another shot then...
(P.S. I just realized, I wanted to address some things that people commented on in my last entry.) 1. You can employ various euphemisms about my appearance - I've got a "character face", I'm "distinctive looking", "interesting", etc - but my "look" basically boils down to "not aesthetically pleasing", aka "ugly" - Inside, I'm George Clooney, but my face didn't get the memo.
But after being unhappy about it all my life, now I'm hoping it'll be the key that "gets me in the door" out here (I read a book on professional acting once that said, in so many words, "If you want to be an actor, and aren't ridiculously good-looking, it's better to be ugly than bland-looking").
2. The answer is "yes", Gordon. I just don't know who that person could possibly be, or how I'd ever manage to "seal the deal".
3. Yes Ruth, it's that Katie H.
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