3:32 am - 11.16.2008
Help! I'm Being Assaulted - By My BODY

Sun 11/15/08 (1:04 a.m.)

It�s official - my body is attacking me.

Thursday night, while I was watching E.R. (For the first time in years, because Anthony Edwards was back for one episode), I went into the kitchen for something, I don�t remember what.

I�m not sure what happened, exactly, but next thing I remember was getting off the floor, blood pouring from my forehead (I�d hit my head on a wooden clothes-drying rack on my way down. Which, in a way, was my good luck; if I conked my head on the sink instead, I might not be alive to be writing this).

I�ve had periodic bouts of vertigo all my life, getting light-headed when I stand up after sitting or lying down for awhile. It doesn�t happen all the time, and I don�t know why it happens when it does. But I don�t usually go down like that; typically I just stop, grab something solid, take a moment, and it passes.

It also seemed weird that I�d gotten as far as the kitchen before it happened (I live in a single, mind you, but it�s still a little bit of a walk to get from my bed to the kitchen).

But anyway, there I was, bleeding all over the place, freaked out (Especially when I saw myself in the mirror, looking like �Carrie� on prom night), trying to work through my �freaked out-ness� to figure out what to do.

I cleaned myself up best I was able, towel pressed to my forehead, and decided I�d better go to the real E.R., in case I was hurt worse than I knew.

Initially I set out walking (I didn�t want to lose my good parking spot; not sure why I didn�t opt to ride my bike) - thinking I�d go down to Hollywood Presbyterian on Vermont (Where I went after I was assaulted this past Xmas Eve) - but realized a block from my house that I really needed to use the bathroom.

So I walked back to my apartment, used the bathroom, and on the way back out, ran into Mark H. (My dog-walking client and now-friend); he doesn�t have a car, but while we were talking, another guy who lives in the building happened by, and offered to give me a lift (�Charlie�, a commercial set-dresser, dropped me off at Good Samaritan on Wilshire., which is probably a little closer than H.P., but wasn�t quite �on my radar� for some reason; I�d been thinking either H.P. or St Vincent, the hospital where I had my surgery a couple years ago).

I got to the Good Samaritan E.R.around 11:00 o�clock, and was done around 4:30 in the morning (At that point, I did walk back to my apartment, opting to do that instead of taking a cab; I�m not sure how far a walk it is, but I�m guessing about 2 miles).

Unlike H.P. after my assault, all Good Samaritan did was take my blood and urine (Which tested normal), and stitch up my head; they asked how I was feeling - how much was I hurting (On a one-to-ten scale), was I nauseous, etc. - but didn�t examine me or take x-rays, or anything like that.

(I wondered if that was an insurance thing - when they asked about insurance, I told them I was covered through SAG, but I never filled out any paperwork to that effect, or gave them my insurance card., which seemed weird.)

So I have six or seven stitches in my forehead (Just slightly left-of-center), my neck is still a little stiff, and it hurts when I chew (where my eye sockets run into the bridge of my nose), but beyond that, I seem to be okay.

I�m seeing my doctor Monday morning, so he can check my stitches, and to tell him what happened (I�d brought up the dizzy spells when I first went in with my abdominal pain/constipation complaint, as an �as long as I�m here...� afterthought; he checked my eyes and ears, tested my balance, and basically told me not to stand up so fast. But under the circumstances - what with me falling and splitting my head open - I think we might want to �go a little deeper� than that).

With my bowels and my hernia and now this, I�m feeling pretty discouraged about my body these days.

And with the head injury and the stitches, I�m very worried about a scar (Yeah, I�m not Brad Pitt or George Clooney, but I still don�t think a big scar on my forehead is a big �selling point� as an actor - Especially not commercially. I�m already about as �character-y� as I want to be at this point).

But what is there to do, beyond keep moving forward, try to figure out, then fix, whatever�s wrong, and hope for the best?

But I gotta say - Thursday night scared me to death.

It reminds me of my Xmas Eve assault, in a way; not just that I got hurt (Primarily with a head wound); I have the same feeling of extreme vulnerability I had then.

In just two years, I�ve had abdominal surgery (For a comparatively rare condition), been assaulted, developed my second hernia (My first was back in the 90s), and just took a header in my apartment and busted my head open (Not to mention having a bowel problem that�s been going on for over a month that I still don�t have answers for).

All those things fall under �Could be worse� - nothing life-threatening there (Far as we know, anyway) - but they also pretty effectively demolish any fantasy I have about being invulnerable, about assaults and injuries and illnesses happening to other people, but not to me (Because �I had all my worst luck early on, you see...�).

I�m not special.

And I�m not immune.

And while you could say �the glass is half-full� - cause abdominal surgery beats a heart attack or stroke, my attacker didn�t kill me, and I�m not lying dead in my apartment from a fractured skull - the �glass� feels half-empty to me, because I don�t have that protective little bubble around me anymore that tells me those more-serious things won�t happen to me.

And on that cheery note, I�m going to bed...

(Hope I make it through the night.)

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