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2:12 am - Weds 7/5/06 Sun 7/2/06 (10:33 p.m.) I like this quote from Elizabeth West (from this month�s �Sunbeams� section of The Sun): When man invented the bicycle, he reached the peak of his attainments. Here was a machine of precision and balance for the convenience of man. And (unlike subsequent inventions for man�s convenience) the more he used it, the fitter his body became. Here, for once, was a product of man�s brain that was entirely beneficial to those who used it, and of no harm or irritation to others. Progress should have stopped when man invented the bicycle. I think she makes a pretty good argument... I�m feeling very �down on myself� tonite... This happens to me every time I have a �vacation��Shortly before I have to go back to work, I start getting depressed, thinking, �I had all this time on my hands, and what the hell did I get accomplished?�. It�s one of the things I get the the most discouraged about�I don�t seem to be motivated to do anything. Ever. No matter what self-help books I read, no matter how many �life lessons� I learn (and learn, and learn, and learn, over and over again, which makes me doubt I�m �learning� at all), I always end up exactly the same, a guy who has to go through major mental gymnastics just to get out the door to walk around the block, let alone actually get something accomplished. It�s very, very...discouraging. Tues 7/3/06 (7:59 p.m.) I read today on CNN.com that North Korea test-fired six missiles, five short-range ones, and the scary long-range one that could hit the U.S. (I�d link to the story, but you�ve probably already seen or read about it. And I�m just feeling too lazy to bother. Sorry). The long-range missile misfired after 40 seconds, but somehow, I�m not comforted. And, not for the first time, I�m wishing a little bit that I didn�t live in a major target area for terrorists, rogue nations, and assorted wackos.(Though I guess that�s a little better than being a major target for terrorists, rogue nations, and assorted wackos. Cause that gets old in a hurry, let me tell ya!). (Who would have guessed I�d one day be almost nostalgic for the days of �the cold war� and �mutually assured destruction�?) (I wrote another bit off-line, about how I thought maybe I'd try to go see fireworks, but then decided not to, because (Boo-Hoo!) it's no fun seeing fireworks by yourself. And I also have a a phobia about being around strangers with recreational explosives, going back to a story I read in childhood, where a kid was blinded by a firecracker, then had to deal with life as a blind person. The "firecracker in the face" part stuck with me. But anyway...) Wanted to see The Devil Wears Prada on Monday. I took the Metro to the theater, but when I got there, was told by the girl at Guest Services that management had decreed the day part of the July 4th "holiday", so crew people couldn't get passes. I haven't exactly been dying to see "Prada"--From the reviews, it sounds like Meryl Streep is the only reason to see it (Though in this case, that may be reason enough)--so I was surprised at the level of disappointment, and downright annoyance, I felt over being thwarted. From Guest Services, I went into the office, intending to remind someone in management that I was ready to be put back into the rotation as of this Friday (Cause I was pretty sure if I didn't, I wouldn't be on the schedule this Friday). There weren't any managers in the office when I went in--though I saw a few in the adjoining "cash handler office" (Where mere crew people cannot go)--but there was Phil, who is actually a member of the "scheduling team". I told Phil my deal--No heavy-lifting for the next couple weeks, and I need to be out by midnight (Cause I can't ride my bike yet, and will be needing to catch the Metro to and from the theater)--and he relayed the info to Ryan, who was doing the schedule as we spoke. Then Phil said I should probably let a manager know I was planning to be back on Friday, so I waited till one came through, and told him my deal. The manager asked if they had paperwork regarding my "limitations", and I told him they did (Though now that I think about it, I wish I'd told him specifically who had received it, just to avoid any future--and probable--confusion). I left after that, still feeling surprisingly bummed (I think in part it was "reality setting in" about having to go back to work, cause frankly, I'd really rather not. But it was more about my frustration in wanting to accomplish a very simple thing--going to a movie--and having the rug pulled out from under me. I hate that, when I want to do something that ought to be easy, and for some reason, it just doesn't happen; I'm sure it has to do with that "difficulty in motivating myself to get out of the house" thing I've talked about before. But in any case...). Went to McDonalds after that, where I had a Big&Tasty, fries, a lemonade, and a guilt-trip. Then, because I still didn't feel like the day had been sufficiently entertaining, I stopped at Borders, where I read comic books and graphic novels for awhile, then at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, where I spent some quality time in a "massage chair", checked out my face in a magnifying mirror (that was kind of a horror show--Magnified 8 times, my nose looks distressingly like a strawberry), and looked at bathroom scales. (I want to get a new scale eventually, cause I'm pretty sure the one I've got is wildly out-of-whack. But now's not really the time for something like that. I'll have to put a fancy-schmancy scale on my list of "things I'll buy when I book that big national".) On the way home, I wondered if I'd figured out what poor people do for entertainment... It might sound dumb, but I was kind of happy with myself about the window-shopping, simply because I didn't just go home, upset because I didn't get to do what I'd wanted that day, but instead, "made the best of a bad situation". And speaking of "making the best of a bad situation", I'm going to go to bed and try to get some sleep...
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