5:50 pm - Weds 8.31.16
On Auditions and Air-Conditioning

I wrote recently - In my last entry...or was it the one previous? - that I like when I have a "wave" of auditions, in part because it helps me handle auditions the way they should be handled.

By that, I mean it's easier to go into an audition confidently when I just had an audition a day or two previously, particularly if the previous audition went well.

And when I'm done, it's easier to "leave it at the door", without obsessing over it, if it's not the first audition I've had in month's, if I feel like "there's more where that came from...", and if there's a general feeling of "possibility" in the air, because I'm getting auditions, executing well in the room, and maybe even booking work.

Before the feeling goes away (And I already feel it fading), I have to note that, in the past couple days, I've been experiencing just what I've described.

It hasn't been complete or consistent, but I've had flashes where I've thought "So this is what a healthy attitude about auditions feels like...".

It's been nice.

...and this is what not having "a healthy attitude about auditions" looks like.

Yesterday's callback - from an Internet commercial audition last week - went very well. I had fun, and they seemed to be buying what I was selling. And I left feeling about the best thing you can feel after these things, which is "I wouldn't be surprised if I booked this".

So now, in spite of any effort to distract myself (With the Internet, with thoughts of the Shameless shoot tomorrow, with this, etc), today is going to be mostly be about obsessing over the call that likely isn't coming, as hope diminishes with each passing moment.

Fun, huh?

But obsession aside, it's been a pretty nice week or so, with the initial audition, then a movie audition (for the role of "homeless guy"), and then yesterday's callback.

I'd like the fun to continue, with more auditions, and hopefully, an actual booking or two. But if it doesn't, I at least want to remember that "fun was had".

This might sound odd, but I've found myself connecting this little "mini-wave" of auditions, and the need to take note that something I like to have happen has been happening, with the recent death of my car's air-conditioning.

I drive a 1990 Toyota Corolla, which I bought 11 or 12 years ago, maybe longer (Have been wanting to buy a new car lately - Or, more realistically, a newer used car - but don't know how or when that's gonna happen...I guess the "when" is probably "when the car dies, and I don't really have any choice").

Anyway, right before summer, the car's air-conditioning died.

And I was kinda bummed, because summer in LA gets pretty hot-and-steamy, so I really like having an air-conditioned car.

I've hit the point where every potential repair is a debate on whether to fix the car, or trash it and get a new one. So since air-conditioning isn't strictly necessary, I pretty quickly decided "Okay, my car doesn't have air-conditioning anymore"

(Initially, it did seem like a potential life-or-death matter, because I thought my automatic windows didn't work. But happily, I discovered that while my front driver's-side window doesn't work, and the driver's control panel for the other windows doesn't work, the passenger controls for the individual windows do. So I can reach over and open the front passenger-side window, and reach back to open the driver's-side passenger window. It's not as good as air-conditioning, but I'm probably not going to die of heatstroke, so that's good enough.)

So, as I said, I was a little bummed by this turn-of-events, but only a little (after realizing, literally, that it wouldn't kill me not to have air-conditioning). And that was because I'd previously told myself, "I love having air-conditioning, and it's amazing this car still has working air-conditioning, 25 years down the road...but it's not gonna last forever, so enjoy it now".

And that's true of everything in life (Including life itself) - Nothing lasts forever - but I'm rarely able to get to the "enjoy it now" part, because I'm too busy worrying about the "not lasting forever" part.

Which takes me back to the audition stuff...

If something comes of one of these auditions, great.

And if this little "wave" of auditions continues for a bit, that would be great too.

But if not, that doesn't take away from the fact I wrote about the position I like being in as a working actor, and almost immediately was in it. I had fun, I felt hopeful, and for all I know, I helped myself in the future (Because not booking a gig doesn't mean you didn't make a good impression).

And though I struggle with anxiety over Shameless being the only gig I'm doing these days, I'm lucky to have it - tomorrow's my 5th episode of the season, and I'm hopeful there'll be more before it's all said-and-done - because that means that, while I want to book other work, at the present moment, whether I have auditions and book work isn't the difference between eating (currently, a bowl of steamed vegetables w/soy sauce) and going hungry.

And in auditions - in most things, now that I think about it - being able to say "I want this, but I don't need this", is a very good thing.

Okay, at this point, the entry is essentially "done" - it just feels like a good place to end, since I'm trying to at least periodically post more positive, upbeat entries - but as a "P.S.", I want to post a list I wrote yesterday before Zumba class at the Y.

1. Zumba/Thea (My instructor on Mon/Weds night)
2. 70's-era Stevie Wonder
3. Recent auditions
4. Shameless
5. Weekly calls with Mark and Jane
6. Bluetooth headphones/mini-speaker
7. Residuals
8. Pandora app
9. Tim G.
10. My therapist

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