11:16 am - Thu 5/16/02
\"birthday blues\" post script
A quick "follow up" to my last entry, which I did just a short time ago...

Something that occured to me yesterday--It might be something of a contradiction, but I want not to "want" anymore.

Isn't that one of the basic Buddhist precepts? That suffering is caused by desire? I can certainly get behind that idea, because I think I'm living it.

But I don't know how not to "desire".

The other thing I wanted to get to, because I'm afraid I'll forget if I wait, is that I might be feeling sad and angry with myself right now, but the fact is, I've demonstrated my willingness to "help myself" a couple times lately; I followed up on the WB thing, I took a shot at Jann, and instead of sitting at home all day on my birthday, bemoaning my sad situation, I tried to get myself out-and-about.

Being angry at myself is not the appropriate thing for me to be feeling right now. Things may not quite be working the way I want them to be, but that's not because I'm not trying.

Shit! I'm going to be late for work if I don't leave right now...

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