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10:12 am - Mon 8.05.2013
A Big Pond & A Small World

A Big Pond & A Small World

Fri 8/2/13 (10:12 pm)

Down to what should be the last 45 minutes or so before I go to bed...

Well, while there's no law that guarantees "more where this came from", it does feel encouraging to have had 4 auditions now in a fairly short span of time.

But it would be nice if, after two months where next to nothing happened, I didn't get two auditions in the same day.

Scheduled for the same time.

Seriously, I had a commercial callback at 3:00 in Santa Monica, then got a call for a Two Broke Girls audition at 3:05 (At Warner Studios, in Burbank).

Got permission to go to the commercial callback at 1:15...only to have it run late - I didn't get out till around 2:30 - so I was feeling a little tense.

But I actually had till 4:00 to get to 2 Broke Girls (The end of the session), which then got expanded to 4:30 (Brett texted me with the news), so I got there with time to spare (Turned out, they were running late too, so it was basically "hurry up and wait" time, as is often the case).

(Semi-interesting note: at the commercial callback, a guy got there shortly after me, who was also going to the Two Broke Girls audition. For "a big pond", auditions in LA can be a surprisingly small world.)

Honestly, I can't really say I had much fun today; I felt stressed while I was cooling my heels at the commercial callback, and when I finally got in the room, it was one of those situations where the ad people don't acknowledge you at all (They often don't), which can be a little dispiriting (So I had no sense, when I left, of whether it was "good" or "bad" or what).

The Two Broke Girls audition was more pleasant - the CD has brought me in before, and was warm (And I joked with her for a moment before we did the thing) - but they were really busy, and it was just a line, and she just had me do it once, then I was out the door again (So in other words, it was not terribly satisfying).

Interesting to note: We're talking here about potentially thousands of dollars in income - the commercial is a national, and the Two Broke Girls role was listed as a "possible recurring" - but what's upsetting to me right now is not that they probably didn't go my way (Why would they have, really?), and I'm not going to make that money, but that "I didn't get to do anything", that no one looked at me and said, "Hey, he's really good".

I can't imagine anyone looked at what they saw today and...saw anything really. I mean, what did I do? What was there to see, exactly?


Sat 8/3/13 (10:48 pm)

If I'd given myself more time to write yesterday, I would have added that, as I often hope there'll be, there were "fun surprises" in the mail when I got home from my auditions - three residual checks (A "holding fee" for my commercial, a check for the first repeat of my American Horror Story episode, and a check for multiple re-airings of my Austin & Ally episodes).

It's not "go out and buy a new car" money, but it is "this extends my ability to pay rent by at least another month" money, and that's not to be sneezed at.

Getting these "fun surprises" in...well, not "The 11th Hour" (More like "The "9th or 10th Hour") has made me think, once again, about my propensity to fret over money.

I'm not sure exactly how long it's been, but it's definitely been years since my "regular job" covered my monthly bills - As things stand, I don't expect to make all the money I need from a single, "regular job" ever again (Editors note: Unless that "regular job" is as a "Series Regular" on a long-running tv show).

That's something I never imagined when living back in Lansing, that I'd someday have a small regular income that wouldn't cover my monthly expenses, and just be "hoping for the best" to make up up the difference from month-to-month, for years on end.

But here I am.


(7:27 am)

Interestingly enough, when I started talking about this with two coworkers at Weight Watchers yesterday - the whole "I don't make enough from my job to pay all my bills" business - I discovered neither of them do either (Which makes a certain sense - We work at the same place, after all).

(Though Corey's just gotten a real job that sounds as if it actually will "pay the bills", so good for her.)

I've said before, it wouldn't solve all my problems, having enough money to pay bills (And maybe have some fun now-and-again, with enough left over to squirrel away for "a rainy day"), but it would certainly relieve me of a truckload of anxiety.

Till then? I guess I just keep "hoping for the best"...while realizing that, whatever my level of income-related anxiety, I do actually make enough money, between acting and WW, to pay my monthly bills, and have for years.

I try to "hold that in my thoughts" - that "things have worked out" up till now, so there's really more reason to believe they'll continue to work out than there is to fear disaster at every turn.

It doesn't seem to help, though.

(12:43 pm)

Worked at WW this morning, filling in for CeCe, the "First Receptionist" (I'm typically #2).

This week was going to be the first time in awhile I'd worked my full complement of hours at WW...but I ended up taking Friday off to "clear the decks" for my two auditions (Didn't have to, necessarily. Just wanted to).

If I could have two "issues" in my life just go away, "financial insecurity" is one of the two I'd pick, if for no other reason than it would be interesting to experience the world without money worries "hanging over my head" all the time.

The other would be "not sleeping/being tired all the time" (Talk about "wanting to experience the world without that hanging over my head all the time"!). It's hard to imagine how different my life would be if I were awake while it was going on.


(10:42 am)

The fragmented nature of what I'm doing here - Which I don't really think is the best way to do things - is a testament to the aforementioned fatigue; it seems like it's harder-and-harder for me to focus on anything for any period of time.

I was about to say "I think TV and the Internet are partly responsible as well", but then it struck me that it's a more "symbiotic relationship" than that; Because I'm too tired to focus, my "default" becomes passively surfing the web and/or watching tv...which further damages my already compromised ability to focus, to the point where I now barely do anything at home but watch tv and play on the Internet.

Which is partly why I'm fighting to get myself to do this more - Granted, technically it's me being "on the Internet", but I'm "doing something", and not just passively watching something happen (Granted, I do read a lot on the Internet, but it doesn't feel the same; I think it's a lot less intellectually nutritious reading than the reading I did back when I was a "voracious reader".


Big audition today, for the Clint Eastwood film (At his production company, on the Warner lot).

I expect it to be fun - It's been awhile since I've done a movie audition, so it'll be interesting to see how it goes.

Wish me luck...!


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