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12:39 PM - Sat 4.15.23

Embracing The Possibilities

Well, since I just led with this on Facebook, might as well do it here too - Happy to report that Acting Like Nothing Is Wrong just got its 4th film festival acceptance of 2023, from the Boomtown Film Festival in Beaumont, TX.

(And unlike the other film festivals so far, they've apparently already notified Jane that the film is a "finalist". Since no other film festival has done that, it left us a little confused about the particulars - What does it mean to be a "finalist" before the film festival has even started? We aren't exactly clear. But whatever the award process, it seems safe to say they like the film, and that's good enough for now.)

We find this ramping up of activity quite gratifying, especially since 2023 had gotten off to a worryingly slow start - It feels safe to say no filmmaker wants to spend loads of time and effort (and money) on a film, only for no one to actually see it - but now it's become easier, once again, to be hopeful about the film's "possibilities".

And now that there's positive movement on the film festival front, it would be lovely if "acting" moved in a similar direction...

It's been a very slow year so far, in terms of auditions (ex. I had no auditions in February), and even more so in terms of booking anything from the auditions I have gotten.

And I've been a little discouraged about the whole thing, to be honest with you.

But as of this writing, I had three self-tape auditions this week - for a TV show and two low-budget films - and far as I know, they could all still be "in play"(This is when I realize my career desires run on a couple different "tracks"- In terms of money and visibility and maybe "cachet", the TV thing would be the thing to get. But in terms of pure "acting", the role of a Jewish doctor in one of the films is easily the best role of the three).

I'm checking my calendar, to see if there have been any "close calls" so far this year...

While I haven't had any "avails" for commercials - though I have had a couple callbacks - I've been pinned three times for TV things that, ultimately, "didn't go my way", two of the pins being for roles in the same episode of a show.

And while, intellectually, I know getting "close" is cause for hope - being a "contender" is better than not being a "contender" - getting "close" doesn't pay the bills.

(And no one approaches you at the airport to say "Aren't you that actor who's gotten close to being on a couple shows?".)

But hope remains.

(It flickers...but it remains.)

In mental health news, my current therapist recently let me know she will soon be my former therapist.

Like my therapist before her, who was employed by the same company, she's leaving because she has ethical disagreements with the organization (She actually suggested that, moving forward, if I continue with therapy, I should look for someone in private practice. And this makes sense - It seems unlikely a therapist is going to bail on you because they have ethical concerns with their own policies).

I find it taxing to feel as if I'm telling the same story, over and over, to a continually changing cast of therapists. So for now, I'm going to take a break from therapy, and hope my "happy pills", on their own, will keep me relatively happy.

And in large part due to therapy, I recently saw a Specialist I haven't seen in eight years, about my untreated Sleep Apnea (I've not been able to make CPAP work for me, and essentially gave up years ago - My last machine is currently a paperweight on my bedside table).

At his office, I jokingly said this might be a very short consult because all I wanted to know was if there were any new technologies since I last saw him that might help me.

And there actually is at least one, though I don't know if I'm a candidate for it, called "Inspire" - If I understood his explanation, it's an implant that goes just under the skin, that sends a message to the nerves in your throat when it wants to close up at night that says, "Hey! Don't do that!".

It might sound a bit extreme when compared to just wearing a CPAP mask at night, but if it works and I'm a candidate for it, I say, "Bring it on!".

But to check and see if I'm a candidate - from what I'd previously read about it online, I didn't think I was - I would have to do a new "sleep study"...and I don't like sleep studies (I really don't like sleep studies. You might even say I hate them - Going to a strange place, to sleep in a strange bed, outside of the normal times you go to bed and get up, all while hooked up to dozen of wires and tubes and what-not, just doesn't seem like the best way to determine how much sleep you're getting on an "average" night).

And this was when I got the happy news that there actually had been advancements in "sleep studies" since my last one - Instead of going to some strange place to try and sleep, while hooked up to more wires and tubes than your average lab-rat, they gave me a case, the size of a small shaving kit, that had everything I needed to do it at home.

(I think that was as happy as I've ever been while in a Doctor's office.)

So I did the thing, returned the stuff the next day, and now what remains is to video conference with The Good Doctor, who will tell me what he sees with the study, and where we go from there.

And for the first time in a decade or more, I find myself wondering, "What would I be like, if I were smart, and funny, and talented, but was not tired and depressed all the time?".

It kind of boggles the mind.

But I sure would like to find out.

(Till next time...)



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