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1:16 pm - Tuesday, Feb. 06, 2007
\"Easy Comforts\"

"Easy Comforts" #1 Customer

Sun 2/4/07 (4:24 a.m.)

I’m troubled by the fact that I’ve become very boring (Alternate Theory: I've been boring all along, but just never realized it till now).

Get me off one of a very few subjects, mostly having to do with the wonder of me, and I really don’t have anything to say to anyone (And I’ve starting thinking that going on about “the wonder of me” is not nearly as interesting as I’ve sometimes imagined it to be).

But here’s the thing, and this just occurred to me a few minutes ago–No one ever seems to have anything very interesting to say to me either.

Which makes it difficult when I try to take the focus off me for a moment or two.

I used to be bored.

And now things have gotten worse; I’m bored, and boring.

(Editor’s note: I just realized I’ve written about this a number of times before; so apparently, I really don’t have anything interesting to say anymore.)

_________________________

Earlier this week, I took the bus to an audition, at The Casting Studios on La Brea.

(I like having auditions at The Casting Studios. It's close enough that, in an emergency, I could walk there, so it's an easy bike ride, and right on a bus line to boot. But anyway...)

As I waited at the bus stop, I was looking in a nearby shop window, and saw a little toddler-sized vehicle in a box, with a Marvel comics theme (I remember there was a little Spiderman figure on the front of the car, that "jumps" up-and-down as the wheels turn).

And there was a picture of a little boy on the box, obviously having the time of his life tooling around in his snazzy new wheels.

As I looked at the picture–of what really was a not-especially-attractive kid–I started to “well up” a bit...

(I guess these little "emotional attacks" shouldn't surprise me anymore, but they still do.)

Obviously, I haven’t completely adjusted to the idea that I won’t be bringing any little Jims--or Jimettes--into the world.

I know I’ve said, more than once, that it’s probably for the best if I not breed, that I’m too selfish and fucked-up for it to be a good idea.

(What was it I said...? “My grandparents abandoned my mother, and my mother abandoned me, so perhaps it’s best if the madness ends here”? Something like that.)

But that doesn’t mean I’m always happy about it. It doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes feel I’m “missing out” in a pretty big way.

There are good reasons I shouldn’t be anyone’s parent, but be that as it may, a “biological imperative” to have children is a pretty tough fucking nut to crack.

_________________________

The day of that audition seemed to be my day to confront “stages of life” issues...

After I got back, I was in the lobby of my apartment building, trying to keep out of the way of the handyman working in my apartment, when I picked up an “Easy Comforts” catalog someone had left on the table.

I’d never heard of it before, but it’s basically a catalog of old people products, things to help you deal with the fact that, now that you’re old, you can no longer get out of chairs, walk, feed yourself, clean yourself, or do anything, really, without the help of some labor-saving appliance.

I found it pretty depressing, in a “That’s what I have to look forward to?” way.

Though really, I have a feeling I’ll be damned lucky to get to that particular “stage of life”–I’m tall, I’m single, I'm currently overweight (with high blood sugar), and I live in a big city, and in actuarial terms, none of that bodes well for my longevity (If I smoked, I probably would have died sometime last week).

Anyway, the catalog reminded me of something I’d said during my session with Javier--I want to lose weight, to do what I can to effect the kind of roles I get (I’m guessing sloppy-looking, overweight “Repulsive Dude” gets more “loser roles” than slim, well-kept “Less Repulsive Dude”), and to do what I can to be around longer, so the clock doesn’t run out on me before I succeed out here.

And if I can help it, if/when I do get old, I don't want to be "Easy Comforts" #1 customer.

 

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